Tag Archives: teen sex

Sex should be an open discussion

sex

Sex should be an open discussion. Many parents avoid/shy away from discussing matters sex with their children, who then result to seeking the information from other sources. It’s a given thing, at some point, children get curious about sex, and eventually they try to gather all they can about this very interesting subject. Nowadays everything one needs to know about anything is just a click away, and sex isn’t an exception.

Unfortunately, children are learning about such sensitive issues from faulty sources, getting erroneous information and all. I don’t mean to bash Miley Cyrus, but right now I’m thinking any kid who watches her over sexualized videos and tries to emulate what she does will be walking down the broad road to perdition; it’s undoubtedly clear she’s not the adorable Hannah Montana every little girl idolized.

Parents ought to know by now that eventually their kids will want to know about sex and even if they bury their heads in the sand, it won’t stop them from learning about it somehow. In my opinion, it really is a very sensitive topic, but parents/guardians need to find a suitable way to address the situation.

If a parent doesn’t want their kid’s mind corrupted by the rest of the world, they should be the ones to tell them what they want them to know about sex. I, for instance, don’t remember having the ‘birds and the bees’ talk with any of my parents. In any case, once my sisters and I turned thirteen, dad started imagining we were rolling in the hay with God knows who. Funny thing is that for the better part of my teenage years to date, I remember spending most of my free time indoors; alone or with my sisters. Dad doesn’t know that. Guess he thought when the hormones started kicking in at the onset of puberty we’d be so enthusiastic, exploring and all…

I’m not even sure when I particularly learned about sex but I know ever since I started going to school I’ve always known about it. Good thing is, from whatever sources I gathered my information, I also learned it was wrong. Sex was bad. And at age nine I already knew where babies come from. Then there was that period I went to boarding school at age ten and older girls made sex seem so appealing, with some of them allegedly getting knocked up by some of the male staff during holidays. I was still learning more about it.

Based on what I’ve learned, when it comes to this delicate issue, I realized it’s all about the company a child keeps, the information they’re exposed to and the relationship one has with their parents. The parents help put it all in perspective, but if they shy away from it, then they risk having their children gather all sorts of twisted information. My parents never really delved into matters sex, but mom particularly made sure my faith in God was firm and I believe that is what got me seeing things the way I do.

Sometimes people think I’m crazy when I say sex isn’t bad, given that I’m pro-abstinence, but here’s what I always try to make clear. Sex is God’s gift to man; and married folks at that. That’s why I say it’s good. But it’s also true that when good things are done at the wrong time, then they become automatically wrong.

Still, with all the media hype surrounding sex, it’s difficult to ask hormonal kids not to practice what everyone else seems to glorify. That is why I believe parents should not just give their kids abstinence as the only option, but they should also address safe sex, in case the inevitable happens. After that they can sit back and watch, because at the end of the day, whether they have the talk or not, it will be the kids who decide if/when they will do it. But whatever the outcome, the parents will have a light conscience, knowing they imparted all the useful information to their children.

I’m thinking, what if talking about sex was as easy as parents asking their kids to cover up on a cold day so they don’t catch pneumonia…? Without fear, or anxiety… just doing it freely in order to keep them safe.

‘Choir girl’ pregnancies

This past Sunday in church I saw this girl who had been M.I.A for a few Sundays because she’d taken a maternity break. She came back with a baby swaddled in pink, so I’m assuming she got herself a lovely baby girl. She’s an active member of the choir.

I’ve never talked to her really, but seeing her got me all excited. I guess it’s because I knew her as a young petite girl and now I was seeing her with her very own child. I guess part of me couldn’t believe it yet. Funny thing is I saw her throughout the period she was expectant.

In my excitement I shared the news with my family after church. I don’t know her name, so I call her ‘choir girl’. So I said, “Guess who showed up in church today with a baby.” My small sister was quick to say my cousin’s name. I said, “No, the choir girl.”

My sister was thrilled. “Wow,” she exclaimed.

Mom asked, “Is she married?” And seeing as I don’t know the first thing about the girl I just replied honestly, “I don’t know if she’s married, but I doubt it.”

“That’s a very bad example they are giving,” mom complained.

“Why? Because she’s a choir girl?” I asked.

“They make it seem okay. Kids will start getting the wrong impression.” Mom didn’t really expound on her statement, because in a way it was self-explanatory. The said girl got pregnant and still showed up in church, regardless of there being high chances that she wasn’t married. In a way, that would be like validating premarital sex.

“But don’t you see mom, she still came back to church,” my big sister argued.

“She took the baby to the priest to have her blessed,” I added.

“See mom?” my big sister said.

“She did?” Mom asked, apparently awed. Her earlier stance on the matter seemed to soften.

I’m thinking, from mom’s and many parents’ perspective, young kids would translate that as a green light to engaging in premarital sex. I don’t support the whole idea of kids ‘playing house’ with each other but nowadays with all the digital evolution where any porn material is just a click away, it would be foolish to ignore the serious fact that babies are having sex, and many girls are ending up pregnant.

It might not be possible to prevent young kids from having sex, but one thing I know is that we can act responsibly when babies are conceived in the process. For starters, I don’t support abortion one bit. Naturally this is a very controversial issue but the principal reason I take that stand is because life is precious and sacred. Any life, be it a day old embryo or a fully grown human being deserves to be treated as such.

That brings me back to the choir girl. When young girls end up pregnant, whether their parents are church leaders or not, whether the girls themselves hold important positions in the church, I feel that no one should be ostracized from the church and other social gatherings or even treated like sinners simply because they conceived out of wedlock. I’d love to believe those days are long gone.

Sometimes I feel the society is responsible for many wrong things that happen. If we can’t prevent young unmarried girls from getting pregnant, we can atleast point them to the right directions. Help them make the right decisions post-conception. Personally, I admired the ‘choir girl’ for  her bold step to find her way back into the church when there was a high possibility many people would be looking at her situation from mom’s perspective; judging and all.

I didn’t say this to mom, lest she started thinking that’s what I was contemplating; but I imagined, maybe the girl wanted a baby but she still wasn’t ready to get tied down to anyone. We can’t pretend that’s not happening nowadays. In the wake of many failed marriages, it would appear people are not so enthusiastic about getting hitched.

Speaking from a Christian’s perspective, I feel condemning people because of the choices they make is just unChristlike. A Christian’s work is not to watch from the sidelines, judging people, but to do what Jesus would have done; embracing all. He never turned anyone away; it didn’t matter to Him if one had a litany of transgressions. So really, who are we to judge?