Tag Archives: society

The place of a family in the modern society

family

Relationships, what has become of them nowadays? Once upon a time, people would meet new acquaintances and they would agree to go out for coffee or lunch and gradually some new romance would brew. It was a step by step process that would eventually lead to the creation of a new family.  Nowadays the picture is very different though. People don’t put so much emphasis on dating, mostly the preliminaries are skipped and the two go straight to engaging in coitus.

When most old people are asked to give their two cents worth on the matter, they say young people have become very promiscuous. Normally I would be on the front line disputing that because I’m in that age group, but it just so happens that I’m in total agreement with the old folks.

The other day I was riding in a bus. I was seated next to a young man whom I imagined couldn’t have been older than thirty. He seemed a bit chatty and though I wasn’t in a talking mood, thanks to my introversion, I kept nodding.

To his delight, an older woman came and sat next to him. She seemed chatty too and before we knew it the two were exchanging excited banter. From what I gathered the young lad had sneaked from work in the afternoon and was headed to another place for a job interview.

Excitedly he told the lady how he had to get a job so he could take care of the children he was going to get in future.

“Are you married?” The lady asked him.

“I’m not married,” he replied freely. “And I don’t plan on it.”

“Why’s that?” The lady continued.

“Nowadays people don’t marry. A guy just gets a woman who gives birth to his children.”

“But shouldn’t those children be raised by both parents?” The woman asked, curiosity palpable in her voice.

“Not necessarily. Nowadays there are no women who are worth marrying. But since guys still want children, it’s easier to just find a woman who will agree to give us children.”

“Don’t you think the children will want to know who their father is?” The lady prodded further.

“Of course I’ll introduce myself to my children. Only I won’t be living with them. Maybe I’ll just be visiting once in a while and then I’ll be giving their mom money for their upkeep.”

As I listened in on that conversation, I couldn’t help but pity the current young generation. In my humble opinion, most guys seem to have lost the essence of what a family represents in society. Most people seem to think that it’s ok to just sire kids outside wedlock. And in some cases, most guys are siring children with more than woman while the women get children with different men.

This begs the question, do we as young people value families anymore? Or what they represent in society? A few years ago, while in high school, I learned that the family is the basic unit of society. Most values a child learns are picked up from these basic units.

In my family for instance, mom would have split from dad ages ago, were it not for the simple fact that she wanted us (my sisters and I) to grow in a complete family. Personally I don’t think that’s always important, given that if the parents are not in harmony, the whole idea of raising children in a complete family could even be to the children’s detriment instead of benefitting them.

My sisters and I for instance. We grew up in what outsiders would term a ‘complete family’, but deep down my sisters and I know the pain and suffering we’ve gone through. So, even though I advocate for families to continue being nurtured, I know they are not always advantageous to the children, or even spouses who suffer stoically at the hands of their partners, so they can raise their kids in a complete family.

So, back to that guy in the bus. From the things he told that lady, I would surmise he grew up in a complete family himself; with his mother, father and siblings. What he fears now, or seems to be afraid of is that the available women are not worth marrying, for instance, because they are too materialistic.

Personally I can’t even blame him. I know many ladies nowadays have embraced the ‘no romance without finance’ concept. However, I’m still of the opinion that we shouldn’t take for granted this small units in society. They are not worthless as many would imagine. They have their perks too.

So instead of giving up on them, we should try to find better partners. I believe that where someone presumes they won’t find a credible partner because ‘all women’ or ‘all men’ are the same, we already close our minds to the possibility of getting good life partners. We should be optimistic. There may not be too many people out there who seem to have the qualities we such for, but I believe they are there. And besides, we should also take our children’s needs into consideration. I would want to believe it’s every child’s dream to be raised by both parents.

Where life presents so many obstacles that two partners are separated, it’s ok for their kids to be raised by one parent, but if it’s our preconceived assumptions that hinder us from trying at least, then I think for our kids, we should try.

Growing up too fast

growing up too fast

The other day when I was coming from church I saw this notice on our court’s gate; that all ladies from our court were supposed to meet later in the evening. I was tired already because of waking up early and the fact that lately I barely have enough time for anything other than school work (that’s the reason I seem so scarce on this vast blogosphere). For a few seconds I wondered why they would precisely ask for ladies to meet, given that normally all meetings are attended by both men and women.

In my rush to get home however, I forgot all about the notice.Later, at dusk, I realized I needed airtime so I grabbed a hoodie and left for the shop. The instant I stepped out I saw a group of women gathered from a far and that’s when it hit me; the meeting!

Confused, I went up the few steps and back to the house to regroup. I figured it was already too late to attend the meeting and since I needed the airtime urgently, I couldn’t just pass by them without stopping by, even if only to say hi. My big sister advised me to go find out what they were discussing, so I grabbed my phone, which I hadn’t cared to carry previously and left.

While I was going down the steps, I saw them start to walk away and immediately I knew the meeting had ended. Luckily, I bumped into mom, who had just come from the meeting. Boy was I relieved! I didn’t know she was there.

I said hi to the two women I know, and went ahead to help mom with the shopping bags. When I was going back to the house I heard the women discussing one of the issues they had discussed at the meeting and since they’re older than me, I left them to it as mom caught up with them. From what I gathered, it was about a Pastor’s daughter and from the tone of their voice, she had done something appalling.

I do not know any pastor in our court (I barely know my neighbours) nor do I know his daughter, so the discussion felt somewhat ‘alien’ to me. About fifteen minutes later mom walked into the house and curiously, we told her to share with us what had been discussed at the meeting.

“It was about how young kids are behaving. Nowadays, because they can easily access the web they download very X-rated stuff and now their parents are starting to find out. Our next door neighbour’s son for instance. He has a girlfriend. The other day his dad found out and when asked about it he just told his dad they hug.”

My jaw hit the ground when I heard that. The kid is around four years old, so I wondered what he could possibly be doing with a girlfriend.

“Mom, what is sex?” The young boy had asked innocently. The woman was shocked, to say the least.

What, in my opinion, parents fail to realize is that thanks to technology, nowadays babies – the operative word being ‘babies’ – know more than we would imagine on this taboo subject. Now what I keep repeating is, we can choose to bury our heads in the sand and pretend these kids are as naïve as they come on all matters sex, or we can grab that stubborn bull by the horn and tell them the age–appropriate issues pertaining to the matter.

Failure to do that will see children gathering all the wrong information from all the wrong sources and unfortunately, as it is turning out lately, they will grow into irresponsible young adults; my neighbours, who I mentioned in a previous post, for instance. Word had it that the two siblings had been engaging in sex, with each other.

Who’s to blame for such moral decay in the society? A society, where even four year olds – babies who have barely left the cradle – are only too eager to know about sex. It’s a fact; there’s very little we could do to erase all the information found online about sex, or even barring children from getting access to it; but I believe we can determine what sticks in their mind as ‘the truth’; and this can only be achieved by parents having healthy conversations with their children from as early as possible.

The unavoidable truth is kids are growing up too fast, and evading this topic will only have them get their infantile minds corrupted by other kids/adults. I don’t know much about kids really, but I’m of the opinion parents can start off by trying to gauge how much/little their kids know about it. From there they can set the record straight, if need be…and the earlier, the better.