Tag Archives: sex

Everyone’s doing it

everyone's doing it

Sometimes I get the impression many people engage in coitus for all the wrong reasons. Some teenagers/ young kids do it because their friends are doing it and they wouldn’t want to feel like the odd ones out; married people, who partake of ‘side dishes’, on the other hand feel like it’s legal to cheat on their spouses because everyone else is doing it.

From a religious point of view, sex is considered good only if one is in a union which has been solemnized before God. This basically means that all the ‘romping’ done with someone who one is not married to is considered a transgression; and the worst kind for that matter.

St. Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians says the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. The minute we decide to sully that temple by fornicating (biblical description of premarital sex) and adultery (extra-marital affairs), we chase the Holy Spirit away as He can’t dwell in an unholy place.

Of all the sins committed, this kind of sinning, basically referred to as immorality is the worst of all, because unlike all the other sins done outside the body, this one is done inside the body and violates the sanctity of the body.

My priest this past Sunday was saying during the homily, “When couples come to me for counselling because their marriages are falling apart as a result of one of the spouses cheating, one of the reasons they give for it is ‘Fr., everyone’s doing it’.”

He paused momentarily before continuing, “Everyone’s doing it? My foot! So you decide you want to go to hell because everyone else is? And when your marriage is collapsing, you don’t go to everyone for help, why? And who is everyone?” He seemed pretty agitated if you ask me…and for good reason, in my opinion.

Sex has become meaningless. Once upon a time it used to be treated as the ultimate expression of love, but nowadays if a student wants good grades in school they will trade in some favours with the professors; if someone wants to get a permanent job after interning, they sleep with the honcho…sex has been reduced to a mere currency.

I don’t mean to be a party pooper but really, when someone is sleeping around with ‘everyone’, where does that leave God? Nowadays parents are even afraid to instil in their children the same values their parents did; they’re afraid of telling them sex before marriage is wrong.

It doesn’t matter if everyone’s doing it. The same God who outlawed fornication and adultery thousands of years ago is the same one, who still reigns today, and who still maintains it’s wrong. So it doesn’t matter if we dupe ourselves into believing that because everyone’s doing it, it’s ok.

God has wiped out cities in the past. That should tell us something; it doesn’t matter if we sin as a community, or as individuals. Once He starts punishing us, He doesn’t spare anyone; and there would be no hole deep enough for one to crawl into to escape His wrath. He is Omniscient.

If you’re doing something, don’t do it because everyone’s doing it; do it for a valid reason; a reason you could justifiably defend if anyone asked.

 

 

Growing up too fast

growing up too fast

The other day when I was coming from church I saw this notice on our court’s gate; that all ladies from our court were supposed to meet later in the evening. I was tired already because of waking up early and the fact that lately I barely have enough time for anything other than school work (that’s the reason I seem so scarce on this vast blogosphere). For a few seconds I wondered why they would precisely ask for ladies to meet, given that normally all meetings are attended by both men and women.

In my rush to get home however, I forgot all about the notice.Later, at dusk, I realized I needed airtime so I grabbed a hoodie and left for the shop. The instant I stepped out I saw a group of women gathered from a far and that’s when it hit me; the meeting!

Confused, I went up the few steps and back to the house to regroup. I figured it was already too late to attend the meeting and since I needed the airtime urgently, I couldn’t just pass by them without stopping by, even if only to say hi. My big sister advised me to go find out what they were discussing, so I grabbed my phone, which I hadn’t cared to carry previously and left.

While I was going down the steps, I saw them start to walk away and immediately I knew the meeting had ended. Luckily, I bumped into mom, who had just come from the meeting. Boy was I relieved! I didn’t know she was there.

I said hi to the two women I know, and went ahead to help mom with the shopping bags. When I was going back to the house I heard the women discussing one of the issues they had discussed at the meeting and since they’re older than me, I left them to it as mom caught up with them. From what I gathered, it was about a Pastor’s daughter and from the tone of their voice, she had done something appalling.

I do not know any pastor in our court (I barely know my neighbours) nor do I know his daughter, so the discussion felt somewhat ‘alien’ to me. About fifteen minutes later mom walked into the house and curiously, we told her to share with us what had been discussed at the meeting.

“It was about how young kids are behaving. Nowadays, because they can easily access the web they download very X-rated stuff and now their parents are starting to find out. Our next door neighbour’s son for instance. He has a girlfriend. The other day his dad found out and when asked about it he just told his dad they hug.”

My jaw hit the ground when I heard that. The kid is around four years old, so I wondered what he could possibly be doing with a girlfriend.

“Mom, what is sex?” The young boy had asked innocently. The woman was shocked, to say the least.

What, in my opinion, parents fail to realize is that thanks to technology, nowadays babies – the operative word being ‘babies’ – know more than we would imagine on this taboo subject. Now what I keep repeating is, we can choose to bury our heads in the sand and pretend these kids are as naïve as they come on all matters sex, or we can grab that stubborn bull by the horn and tell them the age–appropriate issues pertaining to the matter.

Failure to do that will see children gathering all the wrong information from all the wrong sources and unfortunately, as it is turning out lately, they will grow into irresponsible young adults; my neighbours, who I mentioned in a previous post, for instance. Word had it that the two siblings had been engaging in sex, with each other.

Who’s to blame for such moral decay in the society? A society, where even four year olds – babies who have barely left the cradle – are only too eager to know about sex. It’s a fact; there’s very little we could do to erase all the information found online about sex, or even barring children from getting access to it; but I believe we can determine what sticks in their mind as ‘the truth’; and this can only be achieved by parents having healthy conversations with their children from as early as possible.

The unavoidable truth is kids are growing up too fast, and evading this topic will only have them get their infantile minds corrupted by other kids/adults. I don’t know much about kids really, but I’m of the opinion parents can start off by trying to gauge how much/little their kids know about it. From there they can set the record straight, if need be…and the earlier, the better.

Who do I need to sleep with?

who do i need to sleep with

“Ladies we love you so much, but there are some things you’re doing that ain’t just right. Imagine a lady using sex as a means of survival: one sleeps with the landlord so she doesn’t pay rent; sometimes with the guy at the butcher’s… that is outright prostitution. The only difference is that one doesn’t go out at twilight, making it so obvious they receive payment in exchange for sex.

Ladies should strive to be like those from the olden days; those who were a little reserved when it came to matters sex. Some single women, on the other hand, bring their ever changing boyfriends home, thus confusing their babies, who are left wondering which one of the numerous men they should call “Dad”. If you are hooking up with someone, be a little discreet.”

That’s an edited version of an article I read this past Saturday. The writer, apparently, was a guy who seemed to have an issue with how women are conducting their ‘bedroom affairs’. Personally, I’m all for everyone doing what they deem right, but this article had me buried deep in thought.

Is this what sex has been reduced to? A mere currency we offer in exchange for goods and services? When the writer says women should go back to how it was in the past, discreet about sex and all, I thought of my late grandma-may she rest in peace-who was a very modest woman.

Her husband, my grandfather, died when mom was about a decade old and after that she never remarried. I can’t say I know for sure what she did away from the public’s eye, but everyone knew her for being so principled. She was faithful to her husband to her dying breath, almost forty years later.

I never quite discussed matters sex with her, but I can almost guess what she would have told me. “Sex is sacred. It’s a gift from God to married people. A proper lady shouldn’t go sleeping around with every man she meets.” Maybe that is not what she would have said, but given that she was a really religious woman, I would bet her words wouldn’t be so different.

In all honesty, if I was asked to chip in on the matter, I would be of the same opinion; that sex should be between two people who truly love each other. It should be the ultimate expression of the love inside two people’s hearts.

The article reminded me of a clip from the movie-White Chicks, starring Marlon and Shawn Wayans, where one of the Vandergeld’s sisters asks whom she needs to sleep with in order to be allowed to take part in a fashion show.

It’s just disheartening, that in not so many words, that is the question being asked by so many of us. “Whom do I need to sleep with?” Sometimes I see great women holding top positions, but then there will be people saying, “She slept her way to the top.”

I don’t like paying much attention to such rumours, but sometimes it’s hard to disregard it all as defamation, because at times there is always someone willing to give evidence to support their accusations.

So that leaves me wondering, does a woman really need to sleep with someone to get things done? And is, “Who do I need to sleep with?” the question we should be asking when we want something? Should we cheapen ourselves so much to the extent that the same men we sleep with so readily are now the ones complaining that it’s too much?

 

 

 

Everyone’s singing naked

Is it just me or is everyone singing naked? And by everyone I mean a good majority of female artists. Last night I was watching this music show. When it started the first song that was played was Beyoncé’s partition, which is overtly sexualized. As in most of her recent releases, she was wearing well, close to nothing.

Beyonce-partition

And as I watched the rest of the partition video I almost vindicated Miley. She’s a young woman. Still trying to discover who she really is and we’re in the ‘sex sells’ era. How will she not do what she’s doing, when everyone else seems to be doing the same, only that she has taken her provocative performance a notch higher?

Rihanna’s pour it up was played next. Scantily dressed and twerking, I understood why poor Miley seems to think only provocative moves will win her the numbers; gain fame. Who wouldn’t anyway? Sex is really selling. Coincidentally, Miley Cyrus’ collabo with Mike Will made it, Whizz Khalifa and Juicy J., 23 was next. In the video she’s in a red Chicago bulls’ bikini; and this is Miley we’re talking about so it’s kinda obvious what her performance entails: infamous foam finger, signature tongue move…

Lady Gaga’s applause succeeded Miley’s. Of course, this being Lady Gaga, her outfits in the song were kept to a bare minimum. Shakira and Rihanna’s duet, can’t remember to forget you came right after. The two dance seductively, grinding, with Shakira dressed in a revealing red dress and Rihanna in a black; two hot colours in their sexy video. In the video still, the two are in black body suits and high heels, lying down, caressing each other, and in a different scene they appear to cuddle while naked.

can't remember to forget you-shakira and rihanna

With all that heaping bowl of nudity, Miley’s adore you was the cherry on top. God, I miss the days when she used to wear proper clothes; when her name wasn’t synonymous with nudity, twerking, and all that ugly stuff. I didn’t watch the show long enough to know what song would be played next. I’m thinking guys appreciate that stuff, but in my case, it felt too much.

The songs took me back in time, when people used to sing clothed. Growing up I loved destiny’s child. I loved how Beyoncé, Kelly and Michelle co-ordinated their outfits. And while in my teens, I enjoyed listening to Rihanna’s pon de replay and if it’s loving that you want, which were her first songs. I started losing touch when she released her good girl gone bad album, with songs like disturbia.

Lady Gaga’s the only artist from the above list I don’t remember seeing fully dressed in her music videos. After releasing let’s dance and poker face, I heard rumours that she had said she preferred being scantily dressed because her grandmother, who is partially blind, sees her better when she’s naked. I don’t know how true that is.

Then there’s the Latina goddess, Shakira. I have a huge collection of her Spanish and English songs, which I consider sexy but still decent, compared to her latest collabo with Rihanna. And Miley, where do I begin? When I first listened to the climb, I instantly fell in love with it. I watched it after watching her movie, the last song, which I didn’t find so intriguing, but the song itself reeled me in. It was/still is a very uplifting song. Who would’ve thought some years down the line she would earn herself the title, ‘the controversial singer’ because of her risqué performances?

What happened to people actually dressing up? Not in thongs, bikinis, body suits or lingerie, but actual clothes. What became of those songs one wouldn’t cringe or fight the urge to run when they’re played in the presence of one’s parents, or underage kids? It’s true that sex sells, but at this point I feel this nudity thing has been blown out of all epic proportions. Funny thing is, all these are artists I really love (d).

Sex should be an open discussion

sex

Sex should be an open discussion. Many parents avoid/shy away from discussing matters sex with their children, who then result to seeking the information from other sources. It’s a given thing, at some point, children get curious about sex, and eventually they try to gather all they can about this very interesting subject. Nowadays everything one needs to know about anything is just a click away, and sex isn’t an exception.

Unfortunately, children are learning about such sensitive issues from faulty sources, getting erroneous information and all. I don’t mean to bash Miley Cyrus, but right now I’m thinking any kid who watches her over sexualized videos and tries to emulate what she does will be walking down the broad road to perdition; it’s undoubtedly clear she’s not the adorable Hannah Montana every little girl idolized.

Parents ought to know by now that eventually their kids will want to know about sex and even if they bury their heads in the sand, it won’t stop them from learning about it somehow. In my opinion, it really is a very sensitive topic, but parents/guardians need to find a suitable way to address the situation.

If a parent doesn’t want their kid’s mind corrupted by the rest of the world, they should be the ones to tell them what they want them to know about sex. I, for instance, don’t remember having the ‘birds and the bees’ talk with any of my parents. In any case, once my sisters and I turned thirteen, dad started imagining we were rolling in the hay with God knows who. Funny thing is that for the better part of my teenage years to date, I remember spending most of my free time indoors; alone or with my sisters. Dad doesn’t know that. Guess he thought when the hormones started kicking in at the onset of puberty we’d be so enthusiastic, exploring and all…

I’m not even sure when I particularly learned about sex but I know ever since I started going to school I’ve always known about it. Good thing is, from whatever sources I gathered my information, I also learned it was wrong. Sex was bad. And at age nine I already knew where babies come from. Then there was that period I went to boarding school at age ten and older girls made sex seem so appealing, with some of them allegedly getting knocked up by some of the male staff during holidays. I was still learning more about it.

Based on what I’ve learned, when it comes to this delicate issue, I realized it’s all about the company a child keeps, the information they’re exposed to and the relationship one has with their parents. The parents help put it all in perspective, but if they shy away from it, then they risk having their children gather all sorts of twisted information. My parents never really delved into matters sex, but mom particularly made sure my faith in God was firm and I believe that is what got me seeing things the way I do.

Sometimes people think I’m crazy when I say sex isn’t bad, given that I’m pro-abstinence, but here’s what I always try to make clear. Sex is God’s gift to man; and married folks at that. That’s why I say it’s good. But it’s also true that when good things are done at the wrong time, then they become automatically wrong.

Still, with all the media hype surrounding sex, it’s difficult to ask hormonal kids not to practice what everyone else seems to glorify. That is why I believe parents should not just give their kids abstinence as the only option, but they should also address safe sex, in case the inevitable happens. After that they can sit back and watch, because at the end of the day, whether they have the talk or not, it will be the kids who decide if/when they will do it. But whatever the outcome, the parents will have a light conscience, knowing they imparted all the useful information to their children.

I’m thinking, what if talking about sex was as easy as parents asking their kids to cover up on a cold day so they don’t catch pneumonia…? Without fear, or anxiety… just doing it freely in order to keep them safe.