Tag Archives: opinions

Of jobs, grandmas and opinions

What does one do when they don’t like their job and their partner doesn’t want them to quit? That’s the dilemma mom’s in at the moment. The company she works in is slowly going bankrupt and as a result the company’s management is becoming too aggressive towards the employees. The company already closed up three of its branches in a span of two months, with the branch she worked in being closed up last month.

Following the closure, mom was relocated to another branch but as it is, she is standing in for an employee who is on her annual leave. She is afraid she might be among those who are laid off because there’s a surplus of employees.

Some of the employees who haven’t been reassigned to other work stations have been sent on compulsory leave because the company’s management is reluctant to admit the company is sinking fast, though it is quite evident.

Mom, realizing the company might be dissolved soon, started up her own business two months ago. That was after she decided to quit her job because she realized if she waited for the company to collapse, she would be left stranded, with no job and no money.

A month ago she tendered in her resignation but she didn’t tell dad about it. She officially leaves the company this Friday. Everytime she brings the issue up, dad tells her to continue working until the management declares the company has been dissolved; however, my aunt, who works as a financial advisor in the same company, told mom if she waits until the company collapses, she won’t get her full benefits because the company will be too broke.

Quit my job

Mom’s resignation wasn’t just a spur of the moment thing; it’s something we-me, my sisters and mom-deliberated over until we all came to a consensus; that quitting was the best thing to do. Given that she’s married to dad, it’s only appropriate she tells him about it but we agreed against it for one main reason; if he knew she quit her job, the thought that she doesn’t have a job would make him start feeling superior and with that will come untold oppression. He’s done it before.

I have thought about dad’s reaction when he finds out mom quit and I imagine first he will be shocked, and then the shock will gradually turn into rage. I know he won’t be mad because mom quit, but because she didn’t tell him about it. Earlier this year when she started contemplating to quit, she told dad about it, but whenever they started arguing he would use the information she gave him to attack her.

Mom was telling me what she will tell dad when he finds out. The problem with dad, she was saying, is that he is not really the helping type. Lately she has been trying to tell him indirectly their company is collapsing, but everytime he tells her to hold on; to wait until they tell her to leave.

Mom then started telling me dad is like those people, who when a woman who’s being mistreated by her man tells them about her predicament, tell her to persevere. Eventually the woman ends up dead because no one told her to leave the man. Staying is not always the best option.

your time is limited-Steve Jobs

That example brought memories of her mother, and she told me what her mom once told her when she and dad were just newlyweds: “If ever the day comes when you leave your husband, if you come alone, I won’t open this door. But if you come with your children, I will gladly open this door for you.”

Those words almost made me cry, so I inhaled deep so tears wouldn’t well up in my eyes. Grams asked mom to never leave us behind if ever she left dad. She was a woman who was so religious and reserved and didn’t particularly support divorce/separation, but she knew those things were possible.

Dad on the contrary, told my sisters and I to never go back home if ever our husbands threw us out. He said we would never be welcome in his house if we left our husbands. He has repeated it severally so I know he is serious about it.

His mother on the other hand, has never loved my sisters and me. She hated us long before we were born; because our mother was just a poor coffee farmer’s daughter. She always wanted her children to marry into rich families; so basically dad failed her.

I thought about my two grandmothers; one loved us so much, and the other couldn’t hate us more than she does, and there’s nothing we can do about it. One taught to love without discriminating, while the other teaches to love the one with the most wealth.

I have very fond memories of my late grandma, but I can’t say the same about my paternal grandma. My paternal relatives hate us because of her; the things she taught her children have pitted her children and their families against my family.

She tried discouraging dad so he could leave mom but I guess, even if he doesn’t quite show it, he loves her; because he refused. From what I have learned, parents should be careful what they teach their children because those things don’t just affect them, but the generations which come after them.

My late maternal grandma may have been a poor farmer, but she was kindness embodied. My paternal grandmother on the contrary, is just proud and prejudiced.

 

 

 

The last Friday before Christmas

merry christmas

Today’s the last Friday before Christmas. That means Christmas is just a few days away. Yay. Since I was a kid I’ve always loved Christmas. It’s the one season of the year when I feel like everything around me comes to life. One thing I’ve noticed over the years is the fact that Christmas isn’t just a day’s celebration; it shouldn’t just be celebrated on 25th. Christmas is a season. I’m not sure when it starts exactly but I know in my house it starts on my birthday. It’s always been a tradition that we start putting up the decorations a few days before my birthday or latest, a day after.

Since we put up the Christmas decorations I feel like I was bitten by the Christmas bug. Everything just feels Christmassy. Maybe it’s just the good cheer, but my food tastes sweeter, and the cold weather makes the days feel even more beautiful. There’s something about Christmas; I noticed that two years ago. I spent all my days working. Not even music from live bands could do anything to cheer me up. It was horrible. I only got my Christmas break on Christmas Eve and even then it was too little too late. That was the one time in my life I felt like I never celebrated Christmas.

merry christmas 4

I learnt then, that Christmas is about spending time with others, spreading love and good cheer. Without that the beautiful carols will just sound like any ordinary song and all the traditions associated with Christmas will feel meaningless.

This Christmas, reach out to someone in need; spread a little love and the Christmas cheer. Forgive more, laugh more, and just celebrate the birth of our new born King.

merry christmas 3

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Of Christianity and voicing opinions

speak up

Of my parents, the one who seems to understand how my mind works more is mom, not because she always gives me time to explain myself, but because when we’re not arguing we have a tight relationship. Even when I’m being purely hormonal she’ll even try to pacify me so I don’t throw a fit; but that’s mostly when she knows she’s the one at fault. Don’t mistake me for a brat though; I’m many things but that ain’t one of them.

I don’t get to spend much time with dad, even when we’re both home he’ll probably be in the living room reading the paper and I’ll be in a different part of the house doing something else. Most of the time we get to ‘converse’ is when he’s drunk and we’re arguing, our voices raised, because that’s just how it is. The only difference is that it’s more of a monologue because he doesn’t let anyone else speak when he’s ‘airing his grievances’.

Naturally, I have this policy, ‘If I’m not getting a chance to talk, I won’t listen either’. I don’t always practice it in every occasion because sometimes the best option is to just listen, but when it’s about matters of voicing opinions, I just find it unfair if I have to listen to someone going on and on about what they feel about something yet they deny me the chance to share my opinion. I believe it’s called a dialogue because it consists of atleast two people. If it’s a monologue, I won’t be a party to it.

If one was to ask my dad, he’d say I’m a very opinionated person. I find that ironic, given that he hardly gives me the chance to talk. I’m guessing he knows that because he finds the most trouble trying to shut me up.

One thing I particularly find trouble with is a statement he’s repeated severally, “Yet you go to church every Sunday.” He gives me the impression that just because I’m religious, I should be submissive, letting him get away with things anyone would consider repulsive. I’m a Christian, true, and my faith is something I take very seriously because that’s what my life is founded on; nonetheless, I feel there’s one thing people misconstrue. Being a Christian doesn’t mean one doesn’t get offended; being a Christian doesn’t mean one should be denied the chance to voice their opinion; my faith doesn’t automatically gag me; it only means, by being a Christian I should practice more self-control, which is a gift of the Holy Spirit, when dealing with people.

My faith in God doesn’t mean I should be submissive, watching wrong things happen stoically because I don’t want to step on people’s toes; it just means I should be more understanding; I should learn to tell the difference-when to remain silent and when to act, but by no means should I let people walk all over me just because I’m a Christian. I would even feel like I’m letting God down, because I believe He, in His mercy, has given me the wisdom to discern when something is wrong or right.