Tag Archives: online dating

Shoddy first date: Part 3

online dating 3

He excused himself and left with the package he had with him, while I found my way to the nearest couch, leaving the door wide open in case I needed to make a quick exit. For the few minutes he was gone, I pondered over my actions. If anything happened to me, God-forbid-I figured I would be entirely to blame for my poor judgement.

Trying to keep myself occupied lest I started panicking, I went through his collection of music CDs appreciating his choice of songs. Other than the fact that I was already pissed for having let myself get tricked into going to his house, and was already over cautious, waiting for just about anything to happen, I acknowledged he had a good taste in clothes, music, interior decor…if we became more than online acquaintances, we would have very little to argue about.

“Feel free sweetie, this is your home now,” he pacified me when he walked in. He took his jacket off, exposing his muscled chest that was only covered in a black fitting t-shirt. Then he stretched out his arms, taking my hands in his and he pulled me up to my feet. Releasing one of my hands, he reached for the remote and switched the TV on, bringing the room to life as soft music played.

He put his arms around my waist and I curved mine round his neck and slowly we swayed to the tuneful music.

“So did you think about my proposal?” He asked me.

“What proposal?” I asked in reply.

“To marry me.”

“But you hardly know me.”

“I feel I know you enough to want you to be my wife.”

“I still feel we don’t know each other well,” I said firmly.

I had already crossed very many lines on our first date. I was in his living room, in his arms, discussing marriage, and even though he didn’t seem like he had any intentions of hurting me, I felt we weren’t following the ‘proper procedure’. We had hit the ground running, instead of taking time to get the basics.

“Come with me,” he said, urging me to follow him to a room I supposed was his bedroom. “I left in a hurry. I didn’t get time to make my bed.”

“No,” I refused, breaking free from his embrace.

“Just come,” he begged, almost sweetly, “you’re just going to help me. I promise you nothing will happen.”

“No!” Finally, angry me surfaced. At that point I didn’t even care about first impressions anymore. I just couldn’t take more of it. “This is definitely not going according to plan. You showed up late, tricked me into coming to your house, we haven’t had lunch and it’s way past lunch time, and now you want to sleep with me? This doesn’t feel like a first date anymore.”

It was already past three and I didn’t feel like we were making any progress. I always doubted he was celibate as he claimed to be and even after he asked me to marry him, I felt he was only looking for a woman he could legally sleep with as he also claimed to be saved. That had me feeling he hadn’t put much thought into the proposal. It didn’t matter if it was me, or any other woman he picked from the streets, so long as it was a woman; someone who could relieve his carnal urges. That thought alone had me infuriated.

In his defence, he said he was so aroused, and the more I listened to him speak the more I was convinced I had unknowingly availed myself for a booty call. “I am not sleeping with you,” I told him crossly.

“Then why did you come here?” He retorted. “I left another girl so I could come meet you.”

“We both know you deceived me into coming here. Even if I was to sleep with you, it definitely wouldn’t be today. Not after we just met.”

“What kind of men do you go out with?” He bit back in his diva tone that hurt me in ways so unimaginable.

“You don’t know me, I don’t know you. That’s why.”

“I know you,” he maintained.

“Fine then, you know me. So what’s my real name?”

Feeling cornered, he slumped himself on the couch, rubbing his forehead frantically. “What’s my name?” I repeated, although I knew I had never told him my real name. I just wanted to drive a point home; that we didn’t know each other well enough to be engaging in coitus. “You don’t know my name, and you still want to sleep with me.”

Hurt, and knowing there was nothing he could say to make it better, I grabbed my bag and left. Months of talking and chatting online had ended within three hours of our meeting. I had hoped he would be different from all the messed up dating stories I had heard of before, but that encounter only convinced me more, that online dating never really amounts to anything serious.

First thing I did after I left his house, I logged into FB and unfriended and blocked him, hoping I would never hear from him or see him again. He didn’t call or text me that day or the next but weeks later he called and I refused to pick up. I’ve never talked to him ever since.

When I look back, I always count my blessings. I left a stranger’s house unharmed. I know I agreed to go with him because I was hopeful he was a genuine guy. Talking with him constantly had put me under the impression he was trustworthy, sweet, caring, charming; but in all honesty, I know that was a very foolish mistake I made. I shouldn’t have been so gullible.

 

Shoddy first date: Part 2

online dating 2

There was no way I was going to leave the house on a rainy Friday to go meet up with a guy I had never met before; someone I had just met online. I really wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing by agreeing to meet up with him. I hoped it would rain so I would have a valid reason to cancel our date.

Friday came, and the day couldn’t have been more beautiful. The radiant sun was out in all its glory. My one valid excuse to bail had just been quashed. With no other excuse to give, I dressed up and left the house.

We had agreed to meet around one in the afternoon for lunch, and he insisted I show up on time so we could spend some more time together. I took a cab to the coffee house we had agreed to meet up in, and I was a bit shocked to find he hadn’t arrived yet. He had been the one insisting I show up on time and there I was, waiting for him to come.

The whole thing had me so nervous and I didn’t feel like I wanted to wait for a guy I barely knew. As the cab had already left, I walked to a nearby mall where some friends worked. I decided it was better to go wait there; that way I would still see my friends. Additionally, he had told me his mom ran a clothes store in the same mall; he wouldn’t have a hard time finding me.

Close to an hour later, he called me asking where I was. I gave him the directions and he came for me. If ever I could choose the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, it would be him. I had seen his photos, but he was way cuter in person. I couldn’t believe my luck.

The thing about meeting people online is that you feel you know them but when you see them you realize you’re just perfect strangers. Normally I would have flung my arms around him in a warm embrace, but that was our first meeting. I didn’t know whether to hug him or just settle for a basic handshake. It felt awkward.

Smiling I just said, “You’re late.” He found me talking to one of my friends

I introduced them by their names without adding any titles. My friend assumed he was my boyfriend as we excused ourselves and left, with my hand in his. We took an elevator down but as there were other people inside we didn’t say a word. When we got out of the mall, he apologized for showing up late and told me there were some documents he needed to drop urgently.

He asked if I would be kind enough to accompany him so we could have lunch right after, and though I was reluctant at first, I agreed. The entire time I was with him in the car, I questioned my own judgement. How could I let a total stranger whisk me off to some unknown place?

Nevertheless, I sat quietly, ignoring his obvious ogling. I tried not to blush as he complimented me, telling me how beautiful I was. As I couldn’t guarantee my safety in a stranger’s hands, I kept texting my sister, telling her where we had reached in case something happened. I hoped nothing would happen though.

Half an hour later, we stopped outside a residential gate. Security guards pulled the gates open and the car pulled up in the car park. Loud alarms went off in my head with red neon lights flashing doggedly. I put all my guards up, realizing that he had tricked me into going to his place, on our very first date.

The thought that we had never been out before, and the fact that we had met online necessitated that we meet in a public place; but there I was, in his house. I couldn’t believe I had let myself get fooled. For a nanosecond I almost hated myself for my utter lack of judgement. The gentleman he was, he rounded the car and came to get the door for me before leading me to the house.

Quietly, I watched as he opened the door to his house. The ‘documents’ he had were apparently meant for a neighbour. I imagined it couldn’t have been that urgent.

“You didn’t tell me you were bringing me to your house,” I told him, my temper already rising, partly for his two-facedness and for my absolute foolishness. Still, I didn’t want to make a bad first impression; I tried not to lose my cool. “This is not what we agreed on.”

“It won’t take long,” he replied innocently. He had a way of getting me to accept things I wasn’t okay with, feigning a very submissive tone, even though normally he just came off as macho. I knew if ever we became anything important-more than online acquaintances- I would never have to worry about him protecting me; he seemed so capable. The version of him I had met online was just perfect-almost. I hoped that was how he was in reality, so I wouldn’t have anything to worry about.

I was tempted to cut and run, but the little voice in my head told me I would appear a scaredy-cat if he was in deed an honest guy. Cautiously, I went in, hoping I would come out in one piece…

Shoddy first date: Part 1

online dating

Online dating, does it ever amount to anything important?

I wouldn’t want to speak for anyone but speaking from my own experiences, I feel people just go online to find ‘quickie’ mates. Maybe someone might want to argue that it really works, but after two failed attempts, very little could convince me to give it another try. I’m inclined to believe that only a handful could bear witness to dating successfully with someone they met online.

The first time I met a guy online, it just happened. I’ve always been sceptical about getting too close to people I’ve never met in real life but months of regular chatting had me thinking I was head-over-heels-in love with the said guy. At first I was reluctant about opening myself to the possibility of an online romance but slowly, with enough prodding from him I let loose and gave in.

By the time I started contemplating an actual relationship with him, we had gone for long chatting online and talking for long hours on end. Unfortunately, he bailed the instant he felt it was becoming too real. That ephemeral relationship had me hitting reset. I went back to being sceptical me; ever cautious of online relationships.

Months later, I was taking my driving lessons on a chilly morning when my phone rang. I didn’t know the number, so I didn’t pick up. Almost an hour later the same number called. Curious to know who was calling, I picked up. If people fall in love with people’s voices, I fell in love with the caller’s voice. He called me by my Facebook nom de plume, so I instantly figured he had found my number from my page.

The previous failed relationship was still fresh in my mind. I didn’t want to give him much attention, afraid I would get sucked in like I had previously. Slowly, days turned to weeks, weeks to months. One evening he called me up, and told me it had been five months since we started talking.

I had never once given the conversations we used to have any importance. That said, I was impressively stunned that he had been ‘keeping tabs’ on our seemingly unimportant ‘relationship’. From my own observation, most men seem to suffer from selective amnesia and the fact that he had been taking our relationship seriously enough to know how long it had been since we started talking made me give the whole thing a second thought.

Unlike many guys I had met before, he didn’t seem too interested in sex; he seemed somewhat discreet on the matter. At some point he told me he had been celibate for two years and was now waiting to ‘give it up’ to his legal wife. At first I found it corny but with time he almost had me convinced. But again, sceptical me couldn’t buy the ‘abstinence’ claims.

In all honesty, I found many things about him really admirable. For instance, when I told him I was working on a school project, he offered to help, so I could get done with it fast, and unlike the first guy, he seemed genuinely interested in me as a person, as opposed to viewing me as just another woman he could sleep with. He told me so much about himself and while I wasn’t so forthcoming about my personal details (for security reasons) I contemplated opening up to him if/when we met.

Then, he suggested we should meet up. I didn’t feel like we had known each other well enough to meet, so everytime he brought the issue up I would find an excuse to stall. By that time he had already started taking things too seriously. This I felt after I found an ‘I love you’ post on my wall.

I felt the declaration was premature, so I just told him there were things he didn’t know about me as we had never met. He kept on pushing it, insisting we should meet until, he called me on my birthday’s eve, minutes after midnight. He sang me happy birthday, with his oh-so-beautiful voice and cheerfully he said, “Now you’re old enough to become my wife.”

I didn’t refuse his proposal directly. I just giggled and told him I felt he was making a rash decision; and that if he learned everything there was to know about me, flaws and all, and still wanted to marry me, then I would marry him. He was six years my senior.

He offered to take me out to celebrate, but then he wasn’t my boyfriend; I refused. By the time I went to bed that night however, he had managed to get me to agree to meet him. We agreed to meet up that coming Friday, five days after my birthday. But then as I wasn’t too sure I was doing the right thing-meeting a guy I had met online-I told him we would only meet if it didn’t rain as it was December…