Tag Archives: kindness

Rejected and Alone: Part 2

Fast forward to three years later… As I had feared, I have not met or talked to most of my classmates. I was lucky enough to meet a handful in bar school, but since everyone was obsessed with passing the extremely difficult bar exams, very little time was left for socialization.

We exchanged brief hellos and hugs on the corridors, and soon after each one of us would proceed to our different destinations. If we happened to ride home together, we would spend the entire time discussing legal issues. When we sat our bar exams we parted ways again, only bumping into each other intermittently at the courts during our pupillage.

Again, like with the brief meetings in bar school, our random encounters at the courts were brief, and it was even worse than before because we had court timelines to meet, lest the matters we were attending to were called out before we got to court. We could not afford to appear incompetent in our pupil masters/mistresses’ eyes.

That is how my relations with my classmates became almost non-existent. Funny thing is, even when I was doing my undergraduate studies, I kind of knew the ‘friendships’ were only short-term. Given my introverted nature, I was always guarded and consequently, my ‘inner circle’ was very small. Deep down I knew most of my classmates were mere acquaintances, who would disappear from my life once we parted ways.

I usually think of those relations as functional work relations. We were working towards a common goal, and each person had to play their part cohesively. That way, we would be successful in our endeavours. Throughout my undergrad, my phone was always ringing off the hook, because there was always something my fellow students wanted to enquire about regarding classes; and as such, I was always at their beck and call.

Nonetheless, there were red flags along the way with regard to the transient nature of our relations. As I’ve mentioned, my phone was always ringing when we were in session. However, that was never the case when we went on holiday; only a dozen students would try to call/text to check on me.

Owing to this, I tamed my expectations, since I did not want to let the thought of my popularity fool me. I was only popular because somehow my classmates needed my services, but minus that, I did not have a personal relationship with majority of them.

Therefore, it was somewhat obvious that the popularity would only last until I was out of that institution. Funny thing is, when I ‘rarely’ bump into any of my classmates, we usually regard each other with so much respect and warmth. There is still that lingering camaraderie, but it’s usually a classic example of ‘out of sight, out of mind’.

When this year was starting, I decided to reach out to some of my old acquaintances, seeing as years were just passing by and we were just growing distant. I was kind of fifty-fifty, anticipating most would ignore my texts since they did not really need anything from me… Turns out I was right, sadly! Majority did not bother to acknowledge my texts. Needless to say, that did not come as a surprise.

Rejected and Alone: Part 1

Difficult moments bring a lot to the surface. The hidden truth is revealed; the good and the bad, but mostly the bad. At least in my opinion. Lately I have been reminiscing an awful lot, possibly because I recently finished my pupillage, and now I’m in that ‘professional limbo’ where I am technically not a student anymore, yet I have not been admitted to the bar.

Ideally I should have found a holding over (post-internship) position to work while I await my admission to the bar, but as it turns out, finding a job nowadays is anything but easy. Ergo, I have more than enough idle time on my hands. It is this ‘interesting’ predicament that has seen me spend more than enough time strolling down memory lane.

See, during my undergraduate studies, I was my class’ president for the entire duration of our law course. I remember this one time, one lecturer who had taught us in our second year walked into our class two years later, and was surprised to find I was still the class president. “She is still the class president?” He asked, patently surprised. “You guys did not pick someone else?”

“She’s very nice…” “We love her…” “She’s very competent…responsible…” multiple voices rent the air simultaneously.

“I cannot hear what you’re saying if you all speak at the same time,” he interjected.

One of my classmates, who was seated at the front, raised her hand; and seeing as she was already known to the lecturer from our previous interactions, he picked her. “We did not see the need to elect someone else because she is very good at her job,” she said, and the rest of the students said “Yeah,” in agreement.

I suppose the lecturer did not have much to say because he just smiled and said, “I see”.

Every now and then, some of my classmates would come up to me and tell me that if I wanted to run for any political seat they would vote for me, but since politics has never been my cup of tea, I would just tell them politely that I was not into active politics. My sentiments notwithstanding, they would tell me they would still back me up if I ever changed my mind.

In a nutshell, my relationship with my classmates was very cordial. I served them diligently, and they never missed a moment to let me know how grateful they were for my services. A few days before sitting our final exams, they organized a small ‘surprise’ session, where they gave me gifts, among them being a pencil drawn portrait of myself. I loved it.

Their kind gesture caught me so off guard, because most of the times I’m the one who does things for people, never expecting anything in return…so this was definitely very unexpected, and as such, a breath of fresh air. The noble act moved me to tears, and much as I hate crying in public, I could not help it. Next day some teased me, calling me a cry baby.

Less than a month later, we finished our exams and it was time to bid each other adieu. While I was extremely excited to be done with law school, I was awash with nostalgia and sadness. Going by my past experiences, I knew some, if not most, goodbyes were forever. For four years we had all been working towards one common goal; to finish law school. Now that we had done that, our diverse dreams would take us to different directions… and that, is what made me sad.

Lord, what shall I do?

the annunciation

Everytime we pray, we’re always asking, “Lord, I need…” or “Lord give me…” We always know what we need from God. But how many times do we remember to ask Him, “What do you want me to do Lord?” or “What shall I do?”

Nowadays there are many false prophets, and what they want people to believe is that God only talks to them. What they fail to realize is that God actually talks to everyone; whether they believe in Him or not and what makes the difference is whether we listen or not.

Many people will refute this because in their minds, God would speak to someone in a booming baritone, or alternatively one would expect some major sign like the wind howling, windows banging as they shut violently, leaves falling from branches as trees bend and all… but truth is God has more subtle ways of visiting us, and it’s only when we’re quiet; when we listen to the voice inside our hearts that we actually hear God’s voice.

He guides us; speaking to us through our conscience…for instance, when a married woman/man keeps getting hit on by other men/women, especially on social media and all, God gives them the shrewdness to know they should remain faithful to their partners.

Nonetheless, some people adamantly ignore that voice and subsequently go ahead to engage in clandestine affairs. Even then, they continue to feel tormented by guilt, because at the back of their minds they know that is wrong. That little voice in our heads going on and on that whatever it is we’re doing is wrong is God’s voice… or that voice urging us to do something good that we’re so afraid of doing

Additionally, we should strive to do good. When we hurt others, it’s not God’s work we’re doing, but the devil’s. If you’re in a public place for instance, and you see someone crying, don’t just pull out a phone and send the person’s crying face with captions like, “Stress is real…” on networking sites.

It is sad, that nowadays many young people seem to have lost touch with reality. Everything done is mainly to impress a wider audience-mostly on social media. It’s advisable for one to reach out to the aggrieved person instead of mocking them; even if they are rude, you will have the satisfaction of knowing you tried. That is doing God’s work; doing the extra ordinary; even blessing those who wrong us.

Many people seem to be under the impression that God’s work entails going to church every Sunday, reading the bible, donating money to charity (even when the donations are merely a pretext, so one can win over the public) …

Truth is, there’s someone who’s never stepped foot in a church/a place of worship, but they will go to heaven regardless. This is because, they spend their lives serving God, even though they may be oblivious to it. In actual sense, they are better than the pastors/church ministers who stand in the pulpit, preaching God’s word and later go on to sleep with married women from their congregation.

They are better than those of us, who have crammed several verses of the bible but when we go out there we’re the cause of breakups between married folks; we instigate fights between friends; basically perpetuating hatred and violence.

Being a believer in God is more than just going to church and reading the bible. Of importance is whether we live what we preach or we just preach love and brig hatred? Kindness, and push away those who come to us for help…

God gets really pleased with us when we dedicate our lives to help others. Sometimes we may be willing to serve Him somehow but we are unable to figure out how. If in silence, we ask Him to help us know what to do, He will talk to us.

As we ready ourselves for the birth of the Messiah, we should reflect on Mary’s humility… When the angel Gabriel visited her, telling her she would conceive by the power of the Holy Spirit, she didn’t object, instead, full of humility, she replied, “I am the Lord’s servant, may it happen to me as you have said.” (Luke 1: 38).

happy holidays

In the same way, we should focus on God’s voice; listen to His command and ask Him to grant us the grace to do, that which He desires from us.

Let’s invite God into our hearts; that He may be born in us this Christmas.

 

Sixth station: Veronica wipes the face of Jesus

Sixth station-Veronica wipes the face of Jesus

Reflection

My Jesus, where were all the hundreds of people whose bodies and souls were healed by You? Where were they when You needed someone to give You the least sign of comfort? Ingratitude must have borne down upon Your heart and made the cross nearly impossible to carry.

There are times I too feel all my efforts for Your kingdom are futile and end in nothingness. Did Your eyes roam through the crowd for the comfort of just one individual; one sign of pity, one sign of grief? My heart thrills with a sad joy when I think of one woman breaking away from fear and human respect and offering You her thin veil to wipe Your bleeding face.

Your loving heart, ever watching for the least sign of love, imprinted the image of Your torn face upon it. How can You forget Yourself so completely and reward such a small act of kindness?

Prayer

I must admit, I have been among those who were afraid to know You, rather than like Veronica; she did not care if the whole world knew she loved You. Heartbroken Jesus, give me the quality of the soul so necessary to witness to spread Your word-to tell all people of Your love for them. Send many into Your vineyard so the people of all nations may receive the good news.

Imprint Your Divine image upon my soul and let the thin veil of my human nature bear a perfect resemblance to Your loving Spirit.

Amen.