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Shoddy first date: Part 3

online dating 3

He excused himself and left with the package he had with him, while I found my way to the nearest couch, leaving the door wide open in case I needed to make a quick exit. For the few minutes he was gone, I pondered over my actions. If anything happened to me, God-forbid-I figured I would be entirely to blame for my poor judgement.

Trying to keep myself occupied lest I started panicking, I went through his collection of music CDs appreciating his choice of songs. Other than the fact that I was already pissed for having let myself get tricked into going to his house, and was already over cautious, waiting for just about anything to happen, I acknowledged he had a good taste in clothes, music, interior decor…if we became more than online acquaintances, we would have very little to argue about.

“Feel free sweetie, this is your home now,” he pacified me when he walked in. He took his jacket off, exposing his muscled chest that was only covered in a black fitting t-shirt. Then he stretched out his arms, taking my hands in his and he pulled me up to my feet. Releasing one of my hands, he reached for the remote and switched the TV on, bringing the room to life as soft music played.

He put his arms around my waist and I curved mine round his neck and slowly we swayed to the tuneful music.

“So did you think about my proposal?” He asked me.

“What proposal?” I asked in reply.

“To marry me.”

“But you hardly know me.”

“I feel I know you enough to want you to be my wife.”

“I still feel we don’t know each other well,” I said firmly.

I had already crossed very many lines on our first date. I was in his living room, in his arms, discussing marriage, and even though he didn’t seem like he had any intentions of hurting me, I felt we weren’t following the ‘proper procedure’. We had hit the ground running, instead of taking time to get the basics.

“Come with me,” he said, urging me to follow him to a room I supposed was his bedroom. “I left in a hurry. I didn’t get time to make my bed.”

“No,” I refused, breaking free from his embrace.

“Just come,” he begged, almost sweetly, “you’re just going to help me. I promise you nothing will happen.”

“No!” Finally, angry me surfaced. At that point I didn’t even care about first impressions anymore. I just couldn’t take more of it. “This is definitely not going according to plan. You showed up late, tricked me into coming to your house, we haven’t had lunch and it’s way past lunch time, and now you want to sleep with me? This doesn’t feel like a first date anymore.”

It was already past three and I didn’t feel like we were making any progress. I always doubted he was celibate as he claimed to be and even after he asked me to marry him, I felt he was only looking for a woman he could legally sleep with as he also claimed to be saved. That had me feeling he hadn’t put much thought into the proposal. It didn’t matter if it was me, or any other woman he picked from the streets, so long as it was a woman; someone who could relieve his carnal urges. That thought alone had me infuriated.

In his defence, he said he was so aroused, and the more I listened to him speak the more I was convinced I had unknowingly availed myself for a booty call. “I am not sleeping with you,” I told him crossly.

“Then why did you come here?” He retorted. “I left another girl so I could come meet you.”

“We both know you deceived me into coming here. Even if I was to sleep with you, it definitely wouldn’t be today. Not after we just met.”

“What kind of men do you go out with?” He bit back in his diva tone that hurt me in ways so unimaginable.

“You don’t know me, I don’t know you. That’s why.”

“I know you,” he maintained.

“Fine then, you know me. So what’s my real name?”

Feeling cornered, he slumped himself on the couch, rubbing his forehead frantically. “What’s my name?” I repeated, although I knew I had never told him my real name. I just wanted to drive a point home; that we didn’t know each other well enough to be engaging in coitus. “You don’t know my name, and you still want to sleep with me.”

Hurt, and knowing there was nothing he could say to make it better, I grabbed my bag and left. Months of talking and chatting online had ended within three hours of our meeting. I had hoped he would be different from all the messed up dating stories I had heard of before, but that encounter only convinced me more, that online dating never really amounts to anything serious.

First thing I did after I left his house, I logged into FB and unfriended and blocked him, hoping I would never hear from him or see him again. He didn’t call or text me that day or the next but weeks later he called and I refused to pick up. I’ve never talked to him ever since.

When I look back, I always count my blessings. I left a stranger’s house unharmed. I know I agreed to go with him because I was hopeful he was a genuine guy. Talking with him constantly had put me under the impression he was trustworthy, sweet, caring, charming; but in all honesty, I know that was a very foolish mistake I made. I shouldn’t have been so gullible.

 

Shoddy first date: Part 1

online dating

Online dating, does it ever amount to anything important?

I wouldn’t want to speak for anyone but speaking from my own experiences, I feel people just go online to find ‘quickie’ mates. Maybe someone might want to argue that it really works, but after two failed attempts, very little could convince me to give it another try. I’m inclined to believe that only a handful could bear witness to dating successfully with someone they met online.

The first time I met a guy online, it just happened. I’ve always been sceptical about getting too close to people I’ve never met in real life but months of regular chatting had me thinking I was head-over-heels-in love with the said guy. At first I was reluctant about opening myself to the possibility of an online romance but slowly, with enough prodding from him I let loose and gave in.

By the time I started contemplating an actual relationship with him, we had gone for long chatting online and talking for long hours on end. Unfortunately, he bailed the instant he felt it was becoming too real. That ephemeral relationship had me hitting reset. I went back to being sceptical me; ever cautious of online relationships.

Months later, I was taking my driving lessons on a chilly morning when my phone rang. I didn’t know the number, so I didn’t pick up. Almost an hour later the same number called. Curious to know who was calling, I picked up. If people fall in love with people’s voices, I fell in love with the caller’s voice. He called me by my Facebook nom de plume, so I instantly figured he had found my number from my page.

The previous failed relationship was still fresh in my mind. I didn’t want to give him much attention, afraid I would get sucked in like I had previously. Slowly, days turned to weeks, weeks to months. One evening he called me up, and told me it had been five months since we started talking.

I had never once given the conversations we used to have any importance. That said, I was impressively stunned that he had been ‘keeping tabs’ on our seemingly unimportant ‘relationship’. From my own observation, most men seem to suffer from selective amnesia and the fact that he had been taking our relationship seriously enough to know how long it had been since we started talking made me give the whole thing a second thought.

Unlike many guys I had met before, he didn’t seem too interested in sex; he seemed somewhat discreet on the matter. At some point he told me he had been celibate for two years and was now waiting to ‘give it up’ to his legal wife. At first I found it corny but with time he almost had me convinced. But again, sceptical me couldn’t buy the ‘abstinence’ claims.

In all honesty, I found many things about him really admirable. For instance, when I told him I was working on a school project, he offered to help, so I could get done with it fast, and unlike the first guy, he seemed genuinely interested in me as a person, as opposed to viewing me as just another woman he could sleep with. He told me so much about himself and while I wasn’t so forthcoming about my personal details (for security reasons) I contemplated opening up to him if/when we met.

Then, he suggested we should meet up. I didn’t feel like we had known each other well enough to meet, so everytime he brought the issue up I would find an excuse to stall. By that time he had already started taking things too seriously. This I felt after I found an ‘I love you’ post on my wall.

I felt the declaration was premature, so I just told him there were things he didn’t know about me as we had never met. He kept on pushing it, insisting we should meet until, he called me on my birthday’s eve, minutes after midnight. He sang me happy birthday, with his oh-so-beautiful voice and cheerfully he said, “Now you’re old enough to become my wife.”

I didn’t refuse his proposal directly. I just giggled and told him I felt he was making a rash decision; and that if he learned everything there was to know about me, flaws and all, and still wanted to marry me, then I would marry him. He was six years my senior.

He offered to take me out to celebrate, but then he wasn’t my boyfriend; I refused. By the time I went to bed that night however, he had managed to get me to agree to meet him. We agreed to meet up that coming Friday, five days after my birthday. But then as I wasn’t too sure I was doing the right thing-meeting a guy I had met online-I told him we would only meet if it didn’t rain as it was December…