Tag Archives: Dating

Everyone’s doing it

everyone's doing it

Sometimes I get the impression many people engage in coitus for all the wrong reasons. Some teenagers/ young kids do it because their friends are doing it and they wouldn’t want to feel like the odd ones out; married people, who partake of ‘side dishes’, on the other hand feel like it’s legal to cheat on their spouses because everyone else is doing it.

From a religious point of view, sex is considered good only if one is in a union which has been solemnized before God. This basically means that all the ‘romping’ done with someone who one is not married to is considered a transgression; and the worst kind for that matter.

St. Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians says the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. The minute we decide to sully that temple by fornicating (biblical description of premarital sex) and adultery (extra-marital affairs), we chase the Holy Spirit away as He can’t dwell in an unholy place.

Of all the sins committed, this kind of sinning, basically referred to as immorality is the worst of all, because unlike all the other sins done outside the body, this one is done inside the body and violates the sanctity of the body.

My priest this past Sunday was saying during the homily, “When couples come to me for counselling because their marriages are falling apart as a result of one of the spouses cheating, one of the reasons they give for it is ‘Fr., everyone’s doing it’.”

He paused momentarily before continuing, “Everyone’s doing it? My foot! So you decide you want to go to hell because everyone else is? And when your marriage is collapsing, you don’t go to everyone for help, why? And who is everyone?” He seemed pretty agitated if you ask me…and for good reason, in my opinion.

Sex has become meaningless. Once upon a time it used to be treated as the ultimate expression of love, but nowadays if a student wants good grades in school they will trade in some favours with the professors; if someone wants to get a permanent job after interning, they sleep with the honcho…sex has been reduced to a mere currency.

I don’t mean to be a party pooper but really, when someone is sleeping around with ‘everyone’, where does that leave God? Nowadays parents are even afraid to instil in their children the same values their parents did; they’re afraid of telling them sex before marriage is wrong.

It doesn’t matter if everyone’s doing it. The same God who outlawed fornication and adultery thousands of years ago is the same one, who still reigns today, and who still maintains it’s wrong. So it doesn’t matter if we dupe ourselves into believing that because everyone’s doing it, it’s ok.

God has wiped out cities in the past. That should tell us something; it doesn’t matter if we sin as a community, or as individuals. Once He starts punishing us, He doesn’t spare anyone; and there would be no hole deep enough for one to crawl into to escape His wrath. He is Omniscient.

If you’re doing something, don’t do it because everyone’s doing it; do it for a valid reason; a reason you could justifiably defend if anyone asked.

 

 

Too poor to afford high-end love

Titanic Jack and Rose

“You can’t give my daughter the things she needs in life. You say you love her, but love alone won’t put food on the table, nor clothe her. Just leave her alone. She needs someone who can sustain her prestigious life. She’s from a rich family, and you are poor. You’re not meant for her. You two can’t be together.”

Those are such depressing words, especially if it’s about someone one truly loves. I don’t know if I will ever conform to the idea of parents deciding who their children fall in love with, based on the financial status of their partners.

I consider it discrimination, and one of the worst kinds for that matter. Love is beautiful, but the minute we start putting up such barriers, we corrupt it. I understand a parent’s desire to protect his/her children; to ensure their needs are taken care of even after they leave the nest, but causing them untold misery while trying to prevent a love that’s already deep-rooted is unfair to say the least.

I grew up in a family where dad’s mother thought her children should marry into rich families. But as it is with love, it’s hard to dictate where it grows, so dad fell in love with mom, who’s from a poor family and his mother has never accepted it to date. I attribute many of the problems mom and dad have had to his mother’s incitement. Somehow she has always been bent on splitting them up.

I know in most of my posts I complain about dad’s shortcomings; even so, I see some good in him sometimes, especially when he is not drunk. Sometimes I wonder what kind of a man he would be if he didn’t drink so much.

On a good day, when he is sober, I see so much kindness in him; he radiates lots of compassion. But that side of him disappears the instant he imbibes anything alcoholic. I pray for a day to come when he won’t crave alcohol anymore. Maybe then, if all goes well, my sisters and I will have the dad from our early childhood back; a dad who wasn’t so cold… Everyone’s allowed to dream, right?

Back to love matters though, I don’t agree with parents preventing their children from dating certain people because they are from poor backgrounds. Money comes and goes. A rich man might go bankrupt the next day while a poor man’s star shines bright and he finds himself at the helm of a multi-billion company.

I always think, if a poor teenage boy falls in love with a rich teenage girl, who’s to say in a couple of years the boy won’t be rich? No one knows what tomorrow will bring. Luck changes, and I have an aunt who would attest to this.

When she was in college she fell in love with a poor guy and they even went ahead to get a baby. Her mom, who obviously felt her daughter deserved better, was against the relationship therefore she had my aunt break up with her boyfriend. Subsequently, she took the new born baby, so my aunt could finish up with her studies.

Fast-forward to thirty something years later, my aunt is still unmarried, and the poor guy her mom didn’t want for her is now a rich man. Everytime I think about my aunt’s predicament I wonder, if she went back in time, would she have fought for her love? And her mother, my grandma, if she knew the impecunious young man she rejected would one day be rich, would she have let him marry her daughter?

The words at the beginning of the post are from a show I was watching yesterday. A teenage girl’s mother was talking to her daughter’s boyfriend, asking him to keep off her because clearly she deserved someone from a rich family. The girl’s father additionally, asked the young boy to go make money first and when he was rich he would be free to marry his princess.

In a funny twist of fate though, the young boy grew up without parents because he was switched at birth with the same girl by the man’s wife, who was furious with her husband for cheating on her. Oblivious to them, the girl the parents are trying so hard to protect from poverty isn’t their flesh and blood and the poor boy is the one who is actually their real son.

Parents do many things-some of them awful- with their children’s best interests at heart. However, sometimes it is advisable for them to step back and let the kids forge out their own paths. I have seen enough instances-in real life and in movies-where parents meddle in their children’s love life and none of them has ever had a happy ending.

The last boyfriend my big sister had was an Indian guy and seeing as we’re not Indians, mom asked dad what he thought about the relationship. He didn’t have a problem with it. He said he wouldn’t want to butt in into our love lives, lest we had a fate similar to his sister’s. Hearing those words from him made me realize the seriousness of the issue.

He is not happy his elder sister is single, and it’s their mom who personally orchestrated it; in her attempt to fix her daughter’s life, she ruined it instead. I am not a mother yet, but I believe when I am, I will let my kids choose who they want to love, because part of being a parent is knowing when to stay out of children’s affairs.

It’s not easy I know, but one has to let their children make such choices. If it works out, good for them; if it doesn’t, well…the parents won’t have anything to blame themselves for. And money, as important as it is; lack of it is not enough to keep two people who truly love each other apart.

Should children have a say in who their parents date?

broken family 2

Relationships are really complicated, and even more for those with children, who tend to react negatively towards their parents’ new partners. I was watching this show about a guy whose wife died about three months later he found new love. However, his nine year old daughter, having heard a lot of negative experiences about step mothers from her friend, whose parents had already split up, hated his dad’s new girlfriend before she even met her.

Her friend’s experiences, plus incitement from her aunt-her mom’s cousin, who killed her hoping to get her husband-ruined the relationship between the young girl and her dad’s girlfriend long before it started.

I know I’ve also heard my fair share of stories-real and fictional-about wicked step mothers, but the man’s girlfriend was a very nice woman. She lost both of her parents when she was young and because of that she tried to be a kind, loving friend to the young girl, so it wouldn’t seem like she was trying to take her mother’s place.

After close to one year of dating the man told his daughter he was going to marry his girlfriend and that announcement worked the girl up into a frenzy. She tried everything; from faking a kidnapping, which was orchestrated by her malicious aunt, just so her dad would break up with his fiancée citing negligence, to ruining her wedding dress on the eve of her wedding.

In my opinion, I felt the girl had no right to meddle in her dad’s love life, but at the same time I felt the man had fallen in love too soon; he hadn’t given his daughter enough time to grieve her mom’s death. He started dating three months after his wife’s death and that didn’t feel like enough time for the girl to be receptive to a woman, who would be practically taking her mom’s place.

As I watched the once sweet girl pulling all sorts of evil pranks to stop the wedding, I found myself wondering: Do children have a right to say who their parents date? And should parents consider their children’s feeling before/when jumping back into the dating arena?

Some months ago, before mom quit her job, she told my sisters and I how their company’s managing director had his daughter shame him at work. The MD’s daughter, a law student at Harvard, had showed up at mom’s workplace, carrying bundles of papers, which she said were concrete evidence of her father’s shoddy deals.

She further said she would sue her father for embezzling company funds, forging his sister’s-her aunt’s-signature so he and another of their brother could steal money from the company, which belongs to the MD’s sister.

In addition to that, she went on to say how her father-the MD- had been having an affair with a girl her age. When mom told us this, she was saying it, in the opinion that the daughter was wrong for shaming her father like that, and in such a place where he’s held in high esteem.

I looked at the picture from two perspectives: one, the daughter was wrong for airing their dirty laundry in public. On the other hand, she could have done that out of anger, and frustration. I’m thinking that maybe she thought she would hit his dad where it hurt most.

Speaking from my own experiences, I’ve seen dad do some despicable things that left me in utter rage. I’ve contemplated doing unimaginable things just so I could get back at him. So from a daughter’s perspective, I do understand her.

To be fair, I’m also trying to understand her dad’s dilemma. What I can’t bring myself to understand is the fact that aside from embezzling funds, her dad had been cheating on her mom with a girl her age. I tried imagining what I would feel if I found out dad was cheating on mom with a girl my age and in a way I felt her anger was justified.

I shouldn’t judge; that much I know. I’m only trying to comprehend what could drive a daughter to such extents.

In a way I feel she sought of went overboard; no daughter should do that to her father. Sometimes family matters are best left within the confinements of a home. Then again, when I try to walk a mile in her shoes I realize chances are I would have done something worse.

It wouldn’t only be about dad cheating on mom; it would mostly be about the other woman’s age. Someone might say I’m being biased against the man… but here’s the thing; if dad did the same thing to mom, I wouldn’t be able to look at him the same way again. Plenty of the respect I have for him would be lost.

At the moment, I’m neither married nor with kids. So I can’t really speak for parents. From a daughter’s perspective though, I know I wouldn’t be okay with any of my parents cheating on the other. If they were divorced-God forbid-that would be a whole different thing but if it’s about doing it behind the other’s back and pretending to be happily married, then that would be unfair, even to my sisters and me.

Relationships are not the easiest thing in the world, and I’m not sure what feasible solutions can be applied to make all parties involved comfortable. All I know is that one should consider how their new relationship affects their children and partner, if they are already committed to someone else. It’s complicated, but with a little empathy and lots of dialogue we can find some middle ground.

No romance without finance?

no romance without finance

Love doesn’t discriminate; like a weed, it can sprout just about anywhere. That is what I learned as I was growing up. It doesn’t look at how deep pockets are, or one’s skin colour, race, religion etc… and it’s for all- both the haves and the have nots. That is the kind of love I grew up knowing.

Looking at current dating trends though, I’m inclined to believe somewhere down the line things changed. Love changed; or the concept of love at least. They said money can’t buy love, but to some extent I beg to differ. Nowadays people consider one’s payslip before they can say the three words, eight letters: I love you.

Money may not buy one love, but it will buy them someone who pretends to love them. Technically I wouldn’t call that love, but that seems to be the new face of love. Relationships-most of them-have been re-defined by the ‘no romance without finance’ concept.

Sometimes I’m left wondering; does it mean only well-heeled people can find life partners? And if that is the case, what will happen to those who earn meagre wages? Will they be condemned to solitude just because they can’t afford romantic dates/getaways in high end resorts?

I particularly empathize with men who don’t earn much because with the way things are going, majority of women want to don designer apparels, live in mansions and drive luxury cars and as it is, in a family setting, the man is considered the main provider; ergo, if a guy can’t afford his woman’s expenses, he stands a high risk of losing her to a moneyed bloke.

Sadly, that- as I said before- is the new face of love; the rich takes it all. What makes it even more complicated is the fact that even if a guy isn’t particularly wealthy but the wife is, there tend to be issues. Low self-esteem on the guy’s part and all.

Recently, I was listening to this debate on radio about a guy who had beef with his wife: He had lost his job so his wife, who was the sole breadwinner, suggested he stay home and look after their daughter. She said it would be easier if he babysat as that would help do away with unnecessary costs. He wasn’t the least bit pleased.

Many guys called in to give their two-cents-worth on the matter and no one seemed okay with the idea of a man staying home while the woman brought the dough, with some citing emasculation. Personally I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but I’m thinking it has to do with the male ego, which I totally understand.

The reason I brought that debate up is to show why men still feel the need to be the ones making more money in a relationship. It’s a burden placed on them by the society. That said, I feel it shouldn’t be that way. I understand money is an important thing, but it shouldn’t be the defining factor in matters love.

Some months ago I wrote a post about gold-digging, giving an example of a cousin of mine, who moved to the city in search of a tycoon. Her mom was very happy telling mom on phone how her daughter was bent on finding herself a rich guy, and concerned, mom just told her to ask my cousin not to take anyone’s husband.

About a fortnight ago, mom called my aunt to ask if my cousin could come work in her beauty spa as she specialized in that field. Turns out my cousin couldn’t make it since she recently gave birth. Her mom, voicing her displeasure, said my cousin just had to get herself pregnant. “Now she would have come to work, but she can’t.”

Based on what mom told me, my aunt sounded clearly pissed. When she learned about my cousin’s state she sent her last born daughter to go get her sister, who was still in the city. The news had me gobsmacked; my cousin was back home, without her rich tycoon, jobless and with a baby. Considering her initial motives, project tycoon sounded like a backfired plan.

I felt bad for her, mainly for one reason. At gram’s funeral last October, she was in the company of a cute guy, but apparently she didn’t want him as he wasn’t rich. Love is more than money. If she had stayed with him, chances are right now they would both have well-paying jobs and her baby would have a present dad. They would have made a really cute family.

Money isn’t everything. Sometimes the people with the most money are the unhappiest. And true love is rare. It’s like a comet; comes once in God-knows how many years. If one finds someone who loves them for real, they should stick by them, and curve out a path together-in riches and poverty.

Additionally, money comes and goes. So what happens to a relationship which started as a ‘business’? You know, buy me a Porsche, and I will… (Fill blank space) etc. kinda deals. What happens when all the money runs out? Do the partners start regrouping, finding other mates who are more loaded? That isn’t love.

Some of my cousin’s older siblings were even hoping their sister didn’t catch something in the process. It’s just sad. Sometimes we find love and just blow it because the person doesn’t have money.

The way I see it, becoming a millionaire is hard, but it’s easier than finding true love. If one finds love, they should hold on to it. Money will come when it comes.

The problem with love

cheating men

Loving the wrong person can make someone hate love, and even feel like they are worthless. There’s this show I was watching: a beautiful woman falls in love with a rich guy who’s practically a brat in every sense of the word. He has a personal servant, who tags along wherever he goes, to perform petty tasks like lighting fire at night when he takes his girlfriend camping; saddling his horse, because his family owns the biggest ranch in that town; carry picnic baskets.

The rich guy can barely handle a horse, yet he arrogantly challenges his servant, who is a rodeo champion, to a race; just to show off. Backstage, he has another one of his men threaten the servant so he can deliberately lose the race. According to them, a servant shouldn’t outshine their master.

Because of his inflated ego, he beats his naïve girlfriend whenever the opportunity presents itself, reminding her he’s the one who feeds her family as her parents work in his ranch, which is actually owned by his grandmother.

His idea of impressing girls is going on and on for hours about how much his family owns; and that the girl who marries him will be lucky because she will be the queen of that ranch when it’s finally bequeathed to him, even though he is second in line, after his equally arrogant dad.

When he is not too busy bragging about his family’s wealth, he is a reckless drunk, who sleeps with just about anyone in a skirt. All this happens while he still feigns faithfulness to his girlfriend, who is completely oblivious to his sexual shenanigans.

Unluckily, he sleeps with one of the housemaids, who is only too eager to share her erotic experience with the boss, with the rest of the maids. While the maid is giving details of what the boss did to her, the girlfriend walks in and gets to hear everything because the maid doesn’t see her approaching from behind.

Obviously the girlfriend gets all worked up and confronts the boyfriend. In the heat of the moment she slaps him hard across his face, accusing him of cheating on her. The unapologetic boyfriend asks her to get out of his sight, and as she leaves, all the fury turns into pain and she starts sobbing. All this while, as the confrontation is going down, the servant is watching because he was talking with the boss when the girlfriend walked in.

The servant is a caring guy, and hates the way his boss treats women; and his girlfriend in particular. The boss leaves for the city, leaving a distraught girlfriend behind. Enraged, she threatens to commit suicide, citing low self-worth. Her jerk of a boyfriend was apparently the best thing that ever happened to her and now that she doesn’t have him, she doesn’t desire to continue living.

I watch painfully as she cries uncontrollably, asking what’s wrong with her; why men seem to trivialize her that way. The caring servant consoles her, asking her not to give up on life just because she ran into a hurdle. He tells her not to take her own life because life has so much to offer still.

By the time the show ends, the girl is still attempting to commit suicide. The servant forcefully carries her on his shoulder, taking her to his house so he can keep a close look on her. She only calms down when she comes down with a fever after staying out in the cold for too long.

The girl is obviously crushed, that her boyfriend cheated on her. I would feel the same way too if I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. What I couldn’t agree with was the idea of her threatening to take her own life because now her life has lost meaning.

For starters, the servant she was with is a really nice guy. He is not wealthy, but his girlfriend would be a very lucky woman. The reason he, on the other hand, is single is because he feels he is so poor, he wouldn’t have anything to offer a woman.

As I watch the two, I can’t help wondering; if they were to become an item, they would make an amazing couple. The girl likes the guy, only as a friend, so I have a feeling she wouldn’t mind dating him, and the guy would in turn treat her like a queen with the little he has. Both would have the best of love.

The woman feels inadequate because she dates the wrong men, who make her feel worthless. If she dated the right guy, like the servant, who unlike the rich, bratty boss, is humble and caring, she wouldn’t feel so worthless because he would treat her right.

Sometimes we love the wrong people and end up hurting. As a result we hate love and feel worthless. If one is in a relationship where they feel unhappy, they should ‘step out’ of the relationship, and weigh things from a third person’s perspective. By doing that, one might end up realizing they are not the ones with the problem but their partners.

Like the girl; she would notice the problem is she loves and trusts a guy who doesn’t deserve her. He beats her, cheats on her, and she still manages to feel like she is the one at fault; and while she is going through all that heartbreak, he is in the city saying “I love you baibe,” to a woman he just met. She should say good riddance and find a guy who will love her right, and treat her like the queen she is.

 

Shoddy first date: Part 3

online dating 3

He excused himself and left with the package he had with him, while I found my way to the nearest couch, leaving the door wide open in case I needed to make a quick exit. For the few minutes he was gone, I pondered over my actions. If anything happened to me, God-forbid-I figured I would be entirely to blame for my poor judgement.

Trying to keep myself occupied lest I started panicking, I went through his collection of music CDs appreciating his choice of songs. Other than the fact that I was already pissed for having let myself get tricked into going to his house, and was already over cautious, waiting for just about anything to happen, I acknowledged he had a good taste in clothes, music, interior decor…if we became more than online acquaintances, we would have very little to argue about.

“Feel free sweetie, this is your home now,” he pacified me when he walked in. He took his jacket off, exposing his muscled chest that was only covered in a black fitting t-shirt. Then he stretched out his arms, taking my hands in his and he pulled me up to my feet. Releasing one of my hands, he reached for the remote and switched the TV on, bringing the room to life as soft music played.

He put his arms around my waist and I curved mine round his neck and slowly we swayed to the tuneful music.

“So did you think about my proposal?” He asked me.

“What proposal?” I asked in reply.

“To marry me.”

“But you hardly know me.”

“I feel I know you enough to want you to be my wife.”

“I still feel we don’t know each other well,” I said firmly.

I had already crossed very many lines on our first date. I was in his living room, in his arms, discussing marriage, and even though he didn’t seem like he had any intentions of hurting me, I felt we weren’t following the ‘proper procedure’. We had hit the ground running, instead of taking time to get the basics.

“Come with me,” he said, urging me to follow him to a room I supposed was his bedroom. “I left in a hurry. I didn’t get time to make my bed.”

“No,” I refused, breaking free from his embrace.

“Just come,” he begged, almost sweetly, “you’re just going to help me. I promise you nothing will happen.”

“No!” Finally, angry me surfaced. At that point I didn’t even care about first impressions anymore. I just couldn’t take more of it. “This is definitely not going according to plan. You showed up late, tricked me into coming to your house, we haven’t had lunch and it’s way past lunch time, and now you want to sleep with me? This doesn’t feel like a first date anymore.”

It was already past three and I didn’t feel like we were making any progress. I always doubted he was celibate as he claimed to be and even after he asked me to marry him, I felt he was only looking for a woman he could legally sleep with as he also claimed to be saved. That had me feeling he hadn’t put much thought into the proposal. It didn’t matter if it was me, or any other woman he picked from the streets, so long as it was a woman; someone who could relieve his carnal urges. That thought alone had me infuriated.

In his defence, he said he was so aroused, and the more I listened to him speak the more I was convinced I had unknowingly availed myself for a booty call. “I am not sleeping with you,” I told him crossly.

“Then why did you come here?” He retorted. “I left another girl so I could come meet you.”

“We both know you deceived me into coming here. Even if I was to sleep with you, it definitely wouldn’t be today. Not after we just met.”

“What kind of men do you go out with?” He bit back in his diva tone that hurt me in ways so unimaginable.

“You don’t know me, I don’t know you. That’s why.”

“I know you,” he maintained.

“Fine then, you know me. So what’s my real name?”

Feeling cornered, he slumped himself on the couch, rubbing his forehead frantically. “What’s my name?” I repeated, although I knew I had never told him my real name. I just wanted to drive a point home; that we didn’t know each other well enough to be engaging in coitus. “You don’t know my name, and you still want to sleep with me.”

Hurt, and knowing there was nothing he could say to make it better, I grabbed my bag and left. Months of talking and chatting online had ended within three hours of our meeting. I had hoped he would be different from all the messed up dating stories I had heard of before, but that encounter only convinced me more, that online dating never really amounts to anything serious.

First thing I did after I left his house, I logged into FB and unfriended and blocked him, hoping I would never hear from him or see him again. He didn’t call or text me that day or the next but weeks later he called and I refused to pick up. I’ve never talked to him ever since.

When I look back, I always count my blessings. I left a stranger’s house unharmed. I know I agreed to go with him because I was hopeful he was a genuine guy. Talking with him constantly had put me under the impression he was trustworthy, sweet, caring, charming; but in all honesty, I know that was a very foolish mistake I made. I shouldn’t have been so gullible.

 

Shoddy first date: Part 2

online dating 2

There was no way I was going to leave the house on a rainy Friday to go meet up with a guy I had never met before; someone I had just met online. I really wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing by agreeing to meet up with him. I hoped it would rain so I would have a valid reason to cancel our date.

Friday came, and the day couldn’t have been more beautiful. The radiant sun was out in all its glory. My one valid excuse to bail had just been quashed. With no other excuse to give, I dressed up and left the house.

We had agreed to meet around one in the afternoon for lunch, and he insisted I show up on time so we could spend some more time together. I took a cab to the coffee house we had agreed to meet up in, and I was a bit shocked to find he hadn’t arrived yet. He had been the one insisting I show up on time and there I was, waiting for him to come.

The whole thing had me so nervous and I didn’t feel like I wanted to wait for a guy I barely knew. As the cab had already left, I walked to a nearby mall where some friends worked. I decided it was better to go wait there; that way I would still see my friends. Additionally, he had told me his mom ran a clothes store in the same mall; he wouldn’t have a hard time finding me.

Close to an hour later, he called me asking where I was. I gave him the directions and he came for me. If ever I could choose the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, it would be him. I had seen his photos, but he was way cuter in person. I couldn’t believe my luck.

The thing about meeting people online is that you feel you know them but when you see them you realize you’re just perfect strangers. Normally I would have flung my arms around him in a warm embrace, but that was our first meeting. I didn’t know whether to hug him or just settle for a basic handshake. It felt awkward.

Smiling I just said, “You’re late.” He found me talking to one of my friends

I introduced them by their names without adding any titles. My friend assumed he was my boyfriend as we excused ourselves and left, with my hand in his. We took an elevator down but as there were other people inside we didn’t say a word. When we got out of the mall, he apologized for showing up late and told me there were some documents he needed to drop urgently.

He asked if I would be kind enough to accompany him so we could have lunch right after, and though I was reluctant at first, I agreed. The entire time I was with him in the car, I questioned my own judgement. How could I let a total stranger whisk me off to some unknown place?

Nevertheless, I sat quietly, ignoring his obvious ogling. I tried not to blush as he complimented me, telling me how beautiful I was. As I couldn’t guarantee my safety in a stranger’s hands, I kept texting my sister, telling her where we had reached in case something happened. I hoped nothing would happen though.

Half an hour later, we stopped outside a residential gate. Security guards pulled the gates open and the car pulled up in the car park. Loud alarms went off in my head with red neon lights flashing doggedly. I put all my guards up, realizing that he had tricked me into going to his place, on our very first date.

The thought that we had never been out before, and the fact that we had met online necessitated that we meet in a public place; but there I was, in his house. I couldn’t believe I had let myself get fooled. For a nanosecond I almost hated myself for my utter lack of judgement. The gentleman he was, he rounded the car and came to get the door for me before leading me to the house.

Quietly, I watched as he opened the door to his house. The ‘documents’ he had were apparently meant for a neighbour. I imagined it couldn’t have been that urgent.

“You didn’t tell me you were bringing me to your house,” I told him, my temper already rising, partly for his two-facedness and for my absolute foolishness. Still, I didn’t want to make a bad first impression; I tried not to lose my cool. “This is not what we agreed on.”

“It won’t take long,” he replied innocently. He had a way of getting me to accept things I wasn’t okay with, feigning a very submissive tone, even though normally he just came off as macho. I knew if ever we became anything important-more than online acquaintances- I would never have to worry about him protecting me; he seemed so capable. The version of him I had met online was just perfect-almost. I hoped that was how he was in reality, so I wouldn’t have anything to worry about.

I was tempted to cut and run, but the little voice in my head told me I would appear a scaredy-cat if he was in deed an honest guy. Cautiously, I went in, hoping I would come out in one piece…