Tag Archives: Cinderella

Unhappily ever after…

cinderella

Cinderella lived happily ever after with the charming prince who wouldn’t rest until he found the maiden whose foot fit in the glass slipper. Sleeping beauty had a happily ever after with the handsome prince who wandered by and found the sleeping maiden, thus pressing his lips against her hand to wake her from a century’s slumber. Fairytales… the lies they fill children’s heads with…

I can only think of so many fairytales I read as a child that ended with, ‘and they lived happily ever after’. Then again, that’s why we call them fairytales; happily-ever-afters are only as real as fairies are. It hasn’t escaped me that I would be ruthlessly bursting the bubble of any kid, who stumbles on this post but sadly, I only speak what is true.

Almost all the fairy tales I read as a child, all the cartoons I watched/still watch, like a recent edition of Rapunzel (tangled) I watched lately where the girl with shiny metres of gold locks finds her happily-ever-after with the thug who saves her from the lone tower she had been imprisoned in by her witchy stepmother, led me to believe in a happily-ever-after.

Then later as I got into teenagehood I developed a strong liking for soap operas, which graduated into an addiction. These soaps revolve around love and deception as the main themes, and somehow almost all of them end with the main female and male protagonist together, in their own happily ever after.

As my sisters and I got glued to the TV, watching soap after soap, dad never understood why we wasted so much time following programmes, which in his opinion, enslaved us because when they started we had to drop whatever we were doing just so we could watch them. He just never did understand why, and after trying to explain it to him unsuccessfully we gave up trying.

The reason we spent so much watching them was because they gave us something to hold on to. Even when stuck in meaningless relationships with guys who weren’t willing to commit, the knights in shining armour from the numerous fairy tales we’d read and the Alejandros from Latino soaps kept us hopeful that the best was yet to come.

Regrettably, as I look at the life mom leads, I feel the little flame in me going out, and I’m not sure there’s much I can do to rekindle it. I look at her life and I see unhappily ever after. She spends sleepless nights, tossing and turning in bed because the man she chose to spend the rest of her life with, in what she hoped would be marital bliss is the same one who locks the light out of her life.

unhappily ever after

What does one do, when they wake up and realize everything they believed in was just a lie? When they realize that the person they hoped to enjoy a happily-ever-after with is the same one they can’t stand? When one realizes that a happily-ever-after is only a figment of the imagination concocted by creative writers, in a bid to spread optimism.

Valentine’s day is only a few days away and even though there’s a part of me-the child in me-that still believes in prince charming, fairies and pixie dust, I feel a happily-ever-after is like the sighting of a lake of water by a weary traveller walking under the blistering sun on stretching miles of bare, scorched ground; just a mirage in the desert.

Happily-ever-after could be real, but it’s a rare gem. How do I know that? Because I haven’t met anyone who lives happily-ever-after. Once that marriage band is slipped on the finger, people stop pretending and resume their real insufferable selves. They become everything one detests-in most cases. It’s like the ring snaps couples out of hypnosis; the promise of happily-ever-after, pulling them back out of their daydream, reminding them, that is when unhappily-ever-after begins.

In my opinion though, a happily-ever-after is not entirely impossible. I think of a personal resolution; if one wants something really bad, they will get it. There will be odds lined up, succeeding each other along the way, but if both partners crave a happily-ever-after, they will achieve it. Mom’s living her unhappily-ever-after, but from my own observation, if her prince-my father-tried just a little bit hard, they would find that coveted fairytale ending; the happily-ever-after.

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Negative competition

When I was a kid, the main reason I loved celebrating birthdays, Easter and Christmas was because we (my sisters and I) always got new clothes, and most of the time they were matching Cinderella dresses. Mom always bought us the dresses that were in vogue at that time, and as we grew up it became a little tradition. The best part was when it came to attending mass on Christmas day, because then we’d get to wear our cute ‘princessy’ dresses. In that light, my least favourite Christmas was year 2000’s because we didn’t get new clothes; mom didn’t have a job and dad wasn’t willing to part with his money.

Given the circumstances, we were so disappointed; we refused to attend mass. It felt weird not wearing new clothes to church. Mom was so strict when it came to matters church, but I guess that day she understood our frustrations so she didn’t force us to go. In my family, Christmas has always been treated like an extended family affair so most of the time we hold our annual get-togethers around that time. That Christmas was being celebrated at one of my uncles’ place. Dad went alone.

Seeing as we didn’t attend mass that day, one of our second class cousins, who lived nearby passed by our place. Maybe the frustrations of not having new dresses made us myopic, because I remember feeling like she had only come to see what kind of clothes we had.

It sounds foolish when I think about it now, but we made that deduction based on three facts: firstly, their house was a thirty minutes’ walk away from ours. Secondly, she brought us an old black card with a wine bottle on the front page and it wasn’t even enveloped. It didn’t seem like a Christmas card and given that I’ve never seen it since then, I’m assuming we threw it away that same day. Thirdly, we weren’t really that close. The relationship we had with them was a very unhealthy one; it was more of a competition; seeing who went to the best schools, who lived in a fancier house, who got a boyfriend first (we were still very young but that was also an issue), seeing whose parents drove the best cars, who got the best grades in school…

Based on that, it was difficult to believe she’d walked all the way just to bring an old card; but maybe we were just being paranoid… the only good thing about that day was that one of our aunts-she was estranged from her husband at the time so she also didn’t attend the get-together- brought my sisters and I some cute knickers.

As I’ve mentioned in some previous posts, the things-habit wise- we pick up as kids stay with us longer. In that respect, I’ve always detested any form of competition I deem negative; with my cousins for instance. The madness stopped when we moved to different parts of the city. I don’t think the competitiveness stopped, on their part atleast, because even when we meet one can still feel the tension; the only thing is that distance brought some sanity.

When I was a kid, the relationship we had with the rest of the family didn’t feel any different and as I grew up I started appreciating the distance. We only met up when it was inevitable. For the better part of our preteen and early teenage years we still were linked by the mere fact that somehow my sisters, female cousins and I all went to the same boarding school. So even if we lived far from each other we’d still meet in school.

Slowly, I started hating anything that felt like a competition, because if whatever I had/did wasn’t the best, I’d lie so I wouldn’t feel so bad about it. I didn’t like the person I was becoming. Luckily we went to different high schools and seeing as we were old enough to make our own choices we (my sisters and I) avoided any unnecessary meetings. Sometimes distancing oneself from negative influence is the best solution.

Someone who reads my posts regularly might think I hate my extended paternal family. Truth is I don’t hate them. I just don’t like the person I am when I’m with them. Our relationship hasn’t changed. It has always felt like a competition, and looking back at the life I had as a kid, I know I wouldn’t want to go back to that. If I have to constantly tell lies or lash out at someone because they make it their business to pry into my life, making me feel bad about what I don’t have or what I have, just because they’re not okay with it, I would rather sever all ties with them than do something I might regret for the rest of my life, in an attempt to always top the charts.

second chances