Tag Archives: celibacy

My brother’s keeper: Part 2

One thing I know is that the forbidden fruit is perceived to be very tempting and really sweet. It’s common knowledge that what we can’t have feels even more alluring. That’s why men will be so tempted to sleep with women who are not their wives and vice-versa.

It’s also the same for priests. When they choose to become priests they also give up their chances to ever partake of sex. But is there any physical procedure they undergo to rid them of any carnal desires? None, whatsoever. They’re just men, driven by their desire to serve God; but as we know, every once in a while they, like any other normal human beings will bump into temptation; and sometimes they will falter.

It would be hypocritical of us to go blaming them, when even the same men/women we get involved with can’t seem to be faithful. Priests are not wired any different from other men. It just means that they’re required to practice more self-control.

That brings me to another point. Married couples are deemed to be off limits. In that same light, priests are off limits. They’re God’s servants. The minute a woman willingly gives herself to any one of them, she steals from God; what He picked for Himself. I believe it’s our duty to keep these men of God on track.

Personally, I have met very hot priests; those who make one feel like sleeping with them would be the right kind of wrong. In some cases, I’ve even found myself starring at some, thinking, “Did you really have to be a priest?” I would be seriously lying if I said I’ve never crushed on a priest. But at the same time, I know it’s wrong to even contemplate getting physical with them.

I think of them as those guys who just ooze charm and inspire all kinds of erotic thoughts, only for one to find out later they’re so married or gay; so close, yet out of reach. The hot dreams we must squash.

I’ve thought a lot about this scandal in our church. I’ve even tried walking a mile in those women’s shoes. I can’t blame them for getting involved with the priest-if those allegations are true in the first place.

I remember this one time in our church in 2013. We had a Christmas cantata and when our youth choir was at the front bringing down the house with amazing carols, I felt someone sit next to me on the pew and one thing that got me was the stunning fragrance. I didn’t have to look to know it was a guy. The scent was just expensive and divine.

Unable to overcome my curiosity, I turned to look at him. Shock on me, it was the priest. I must admit a part of me was awfully disappointed. That was the first time I saw him not in his vestments. He was in a casual chequered shirt, which he’d worn untucked. That evening he looked like the young handsome man he was. Did I mention he looked sizzling hot?

Since my family and I always say hi whenever we bump into him, that day I held my hand out in greeting. He seemed genuinely happy to see me. With his right leg’s ankle resting on his left knee, and his head resting against his arm that was propped up on the headrest behind us, he ecstatically asked if I was enjoying the songs. I didn’t get what he was asking as the music streaming in through the speakers was too loud.

Maybe it was the endorphins in my system that had me seeing things, but I could have sworn when I leaned in to hear what he was saying, it was by God’s grace our lips didn’t touch. My sisters, who had gone out to buy water came in shortly after and the rest of the evening went by quickly; I guess it was because I was enjoying the music too much. We excused ourselves and after thanking him for organizing the cantata, which had turned out great, we left.

When we got home that evening I just told my sisters, “If he wasn’t a priest, he wouldn’t have any problem finding himself a woman ‘cause he is quite a charmer”. It took a while before that dazed feeling left me.

With that experience in mind, I wouldn’t dare blame any of the said women, if it is indeed true they were reeled in by his charm. I know for me it took strength to not fall for him. However, I would advise anyone who falls for a priest or nun (anyone who has vowed to spend their life serving God) to practice self – control for both their sakes.

If they can’t fight the temptation, it is our duty to help them. Last I checked, once someone takes those priestly vows, they’re priests forever in the priestly order of Melchizedek (Hebrews 7:17). So however we desire them, those are God’s servants, whom He handpicked. We can’t help it if they commit other mistakes, but something sexual? That’s a two way street; takes two to tango, right?

Where consent is involved, the consenting adult should be able to say no because those men and women? They are not ours to play with. Their fate was long decided when they chose to walk down that path. All we can do is just pray for them and help them stay on track.

I have no idea how this scandal in our church is going to end, but for what it’s worth, I believe all these allegations (most of them at least) are just a devious conspiracy by a misguided priest and church members to sink another priest, just so they can get power and embezzle church funds. That’s just wrong, and simply put, plain evil! But God -the ultimate judge- is watching…

 

Shoddy first date: Part 3

online dating 3

He excused himself and left with the package he had with him, while I found my way to the nearest couch, leaving the door wide open in case I needed to make a quick exit. For the few minutes he was gone, I pondered over my actions. If anything happened to me, God-forbid-I figured I would be entirely to blame for my poor judgement.

Trying to keep myself occupied lest I started panicking, I went through his collection of music CDs appreciating his choice of songs. Other than the fact that I was already pissed for having let myself get tricked into going to his house, and was already over cautious, waiting for just about anything to happen, I acknowledged he had a good taste in clothes, music, interior decor…if we became more than online acquaintances, we would have very little to argue about.

“Feel free sweetie, this is your home now,” he pacified me when he walked in. He took his jacket off, exposing his muscled chest that was only covered in a black fitting t-shirt. Then he stretched out his arms, taking my hands in his and he pulled me up to my feet. Releasing one of my hands, he reached for the remote and switched the TV on, bringing the room to life as soft music played.

He put his arms around my waist and I curved mine round his neck and slowly we swayed to the tuneful music.

“So did you think about my proposal?” He asked me.

“What proposal?” I asked in reply.

“To marry me.”

“But you hardly know me.”

“I feel I know you enough to want you to be my wife.”

“I still feel we don’t know each other well,” I said firmly.

I had already crossed very many lines on our first date. I was in his living room, in his arms, discussing marriage, and even though he didn’t seem like he had any intentions of hurting me, I felt we weren’t following the ‘proper procedure’. We had hit the ground running, instead of taking time to get the basics.

“Come with me,” he said, urging me to follow him to a room I supposed was his bedroom. “I left in a hurry. I didn’t get time to make my bed.”

“No,” I refused, breaking free from his embrace.

“Just come,” he begged, almost sweetly, “you’re just going to help me. I promise you nothing will happen.”

“No!” Finally, angry me surfaced. At that point I didn’t even care about first impressions anymore. I just couldn’t take more of it. “This is definitely not going according to plan. You showed up late, tricked me into coming to your house, we haven’t had lunch and it’s way past lunch time, and now you want to sleep with me? This doesn’t feel like a first date anymore.”

It was already past three and I didn’t feel like we were making any progress. I always doubted he was celibate as he claimed to be and even after he asked me to marry him, I felt he was only looking for a woman he could legally sleep with as he also claimed to be saved. That had me feeling he hadn’t put much thought into the proposal. It didn’t matter if it was me, or any other woman he picked from the streets, so long as it was a woman; someone who could relieve his carnal urges. That thought alone had me infuriated.

In his defence, he said he was so aroused, and the more I listened to him speak the more I was convinced I had unknowingly availed myself for a booty call. “I am not sleeping with you,” I told him crossly.

“Then why did you come here?” He retorted. “I left another girl so I could come meet you.”

“We both know you deceived me into coming here. Even if I was to sleep with you, it definitely wouldn’t be today. Not after we just met.”

“What kind of men do you go out with?” He bit back in his diva tone that hurt me in ways so unimaginable.

“You don’t know me, I don’t know you. That’s why.”

“I know you,” he maintained.

“Fine then, you know me. So what’s my real name?”

Feeling cornered, he slumped himself on the couch, rubbing his forehead frantically. “What’s my name?” I repeated, although I knew I had never told him my real name. I just wanted to drive a point home; that we didn’t know each other well enough to be engaging in coitus. “You don’t know my name, and you still want to sleep with me.”

Hurt, and knowing there was nothing he could say to make it better, I grabbed my bag and left. Months of talking and chatting online had ended within three hours of our meeting. I had hoped he would be different from all the messed up dating stories I had heard of before, but that encounter only convinced me more, that online dating never really amounts to anything serious.

First thing I did after I left his house, I logged into FB and unfriended and blocked him, hoping I would never hear from him or see him again. He didn’t call or text me that day or the next but weeks later he called and I refused to pick up. I’ve never talked to him ever since.

When I look back, I always count my blessings. I left a stranger’s house unharmed. I know I agreed to go with him because I was hopeful he was a genuine guy. Talking with him constantly had put me under the impression he was trustworthy, sweet, caring, charming; but in all honesty, I know that was a very foolish mistake I made. I shouldn’t have been so gullible.