Tag Archives: anger

Forgiving is relatively easy…

Forgive and forget; that’s what we’re usually advised to do when we’ve fallen out with someone, right? Well here’s my unsolicited verdict: forgiving is relatively easy. Forgetting? Not so much. I can remember numerous instances from close to two decades ago where I got into a heated altercation with someone, exchanged a few blows here and there (as a child I had violent tendencies)… Point is, I forgave and forgot, moved on even, but I still remember what went down then.

So that makes me wonder, does it mean I don’t abide by the general rule? To forgive and forget? My priest in church sought to shed some light on the confusing issue. Basically, we forgive but in most cases we don’t forget. As human beings we’re programmed to remember things, unlike fish for instance, which can only remember things for an estimated five months.

What happens is, we don’t forget; at least not that much. What matters is how we relate with people who’ve offended us and who we purport to have forgiven. If we’re unable to talk with them, then that means we haven’t forgiven them yet. If we keep bringing up the same issue every time we disagree on something, then that means we’re still holding a grudge against them.

Simply put, when one has forgiven another for something wrong they did, that particular issue becomes a closed file. If ever it comes up in future discussions, it shouldn’t be an emotive matter that makes the concerned parties seem like ticking time bombs waiting to go off.

From my own understanding, it’s the intention to consider that person forgiven that matters. For instance, a guy cheats on his girlfriend with her best friend. The way I see it, in such situations, it takes utmost strength for the lady to forgive the promiscuous boyfriend (or vice versa) and the perfidious friend. But as we know it, some actually forgive. It’s almost impossible to forget the pain, but as the old adage goes, ‘where there’s a will there’s a way’.

In reality, it would be impossible for someone who’s been hurt that much to forget the pain they felt. In this case, forgetting would be for one not to act on that pain and the anger. It’s not an easy thing, but that’s the best thing if one wants to have a healthy future; one that’s not marred by grudges.

Do not let your anger lead you into sin

Frustrated man isolated on white

“There’s good anger and bad anger. If you’re driving and a traffic officer finds some non-existent fault with your driving skills or your car, then goes ahead to ask for bribe so he can let you off the hook without getting the concerned authorities involved, if you didn’t get angry there would clearly be something wrong with you. Or if you saw injustice being perpetrated and didn’t get angry, then there would definitely be something so wrong with you.” These were my priest’s sentiments during mass a couple of Sundays ago, and I couldn’t agree more with him.

For starters, life is not perfect, and for that simple reason, it would be practically impossible to always be happy. Nonetheless, anger becomes a sin or just frowned upon when in anger, someone goes and does something so appalling. For instance, a man may find his wife in bed with another man. To any reasonable person, the husband –in such a situation- has all the right to get angry.

However, even in that moment of extreme anger, he should take some time to calm down, so he doesn’t do something that might have the law qualify his right to freedom; when he’s apprehended and subsequently incarcerated for doing something atrocious in the heat of passion, say killing the wife or the other guy.

In reality, there are many people who have found themselves in such undesirable circumstances. I always wonder; when the anger has subsided and someone realizes they did something so dreadful, do they wish they could turn back the hands of time, so they could do things differently? Personally, I know there are many times I’ve done things in anger, which I’ve regretted a lot.

There are a few bible phrases on anger, which I always keep referring to: for instance, Ephesians 4: 26 – “If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day”. This, in my understanding, means one can get angry but they shouldn’t go to bed with the anger in their hearts.

Love you beer… The confrontation: Part 1

alcoholism 2

After texting dad, asking him to reconsider his love for beer, we didn’t get to talk and he never texted back. In preparation for his arrival, I wrote down a short essay, ‘Why I think you might have a drinking problem’, listing all the things he does that have led me to the conclusion he is an alcoholic, and furthermore attaching some receipt he’d drunkenly left lying around to support my findings.

It might sound extreme that I went to such an extent but I figured if he started accusing me of ‘calling him an alcoholic’, even though I hadn’t said it like that, he wouldn’t give me a chance to explain. On the other hand I also figured, if he didn’t rip the papers in anger, curiosity would get him to read them.

He had already asked mom to tell me to stop sending him silly texts, so I sought of had an inkling what mood he was in. I hoped to convince him my complaints weren’t just based on hearsay or things I had just concocted.

He was supposed to come home Friday evening but instead, he texted mom around eight at night, telling her he was in bed; he wasn’t coming. I know he gets lonely out there because he goes for a whole week without seeing us but somehow, as much as I empathized with him, I felt relieved he wasn’t coming.

It’s been a while since he failed to come home on weekend. The only time he doesn’t come is when he has so much work he needs to finish up in the office, especially after being on leave. So when mom told me he wasn’t coming, I imagined it had something to do with the text.

Based on previous incidents, I assumed it had gone two ways: either he had felt so ashamed that I had candidly pointed out he had a drinking problem and would try to make up for his shortcomings, or he had gotten so furious and would spend each minute of his time home threatening to snap my neck.

Well, I’m not sure he is capable of actually causing me such physical harm but nowadays there’s no telling what he can/can’t do when he’s under the influence. When the beer goes to his head he does crazy things. I hadn’t seen him since I texted him that Tuesday morning, but I knew things wouldn’t be all rainbows and unicorns when he came.

alcoholism 3

Saturday afternoon, my small sister told my big sister and me dad had called mom; he was on his way, coming home. I had imagined he would be coming the following weekend. Somehow I felt disappointed. The uncertainty made me tense up for a while, but then I reminded myself why I had sent him that text in the first place; he’s drinking a lot, and someone had to tell him.

While we were waiting for him, my big sister got a call from a friend; a lecturer she had grown to like had been MIA for a while. Reason being that he had been involved in an accident and no one knew of his whereabouts. Distressed, she called him up but his phone was off. That only had her more worried.

It was while I was comforting her, telling her not to worry and all, that dad came. When I opened the door, I didn’t know whether to smile or remain poker faced, but when I extended my hand, he pulled me and hugged me.

That, I had seen coming.

Surprised, I hugged him back. He had beer on his breath, so I assumed he had been drinking before he got home. But I didn’t care; he already knew what I felt about him binge-drinking, and that’s all that really mattered. My big sister was still feeling down and he tried finding out what was wrong with her, though she remained mum. He went straight to the bedroom and came out a few minutes later, before leaving again.

He came back almost two hours later with mom and left again right after. I couldn’t quite figure if he was happy or mad, though he seemed unperturbed; however, I knew there was a storm brewing underneath his cool exterior. It wouldn’t be long before he eventually flipped his lid…

Spiritual blindness: Part 1

Jesus light of the world

Blindness is fundamentally described as the inability to see. That could go two ways: the inability to see with our physical eyes or the inability to see through our eyes of faith. In relation to the latter-spiritual blindness-a majority of us live in darkness, and some of us don’t even realize it. It could be anger that keeps us in darkness; refusing to see past it and making decisions when angry, which in most cases turn out to be wrong. It could be jealousy or lust…the list is endless. Every person knows specifically what keeps them away from the light.

Many are afflicted by spiritual blindness, and there is only one cure for it; to trust in God. In John 9: 1-41, we’re told the story of a man born blind who was healed by Jesus: He and His disciples were walking when they saw the man. His disciples asked, “Teacher, whose sin caused him to be born blind? Was it his own or his parents’ sin?”

Jesus answered, “His blindness has nothing to do with his sins or his parents’ sin. He is blind so that God’s power might be seen at work in him. As long as it is day, we must do the work of Him who sent us. Night is coming when no one can work. While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”

After He said this Jesus spat on the ground and made some mud with the spittle. He rubbed the mud on the man’s eyes and told him to go wash his eyes in the pool of Siloam (which means sent). So the man went and washed his face and came back seeing.

His neighbours couldn’t believe him when he told them Jesus had healed him; they took him to the Pharisees, who also started questioning him on the same. When Jesus heard what had happened, He found the man and asked him, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”

The man answered, “Tell me who He is so that I can believe in Him.”

Jesus said to him, “You have already seen Him, and He is the one who is talking with you now.”

“I believe, Lord!” The man said, and knelt down before Jesus.

Jesus said, “I came to this world to judge, so that the blind should see and those who see should become blind.”

Some Pharisees who were there with Him heard Him say this and asked Him, “Surely, You don’t mean that we are blind too?”

Jesus answered, “If you were blind you wouldn’t be guilty. But since you claim you can see, this means that you are still guilty.”

This is an abridged version of the chapter as the original version is quite long. Basically, we see Jesus restoring the man’s physical and spiritual sight. The Pharisees could see with their physical eyes, but were spiritually blind because they did not believe Jesus was the Son of God.

Believing in God heals us off our spiritual blindness because with the belief comes the strength to live in accordance with God’s Holy will. Spiritual blindness refers to sin. And in the bible, even physical blindness was associated with sin; that’s why the disciples were quick to ask Jesus who was responsible for the man’s blindness; if it was his own sins or his parents’.

Jesus says, “I am the light of the world. He who follows me will have the light of life.”