Of bad mothers and husbands: Part 5

There’s no denying dad’s his mother’s son; he’s a chip of that cold block. Nonetheless, he made the conscious decision to be mean like her. Interestingly, dad’s mother always thinks mom’s the one who controls dad. Recently mom called dad’s step-dad to find out how she was doing after being discharged from hospital, and he took the liberty of telling her what dad’s mother has been saying.

Apparently, she thinks dad is too tight –fisted, because of mom’s control. I laughed a little when I heard that, because truth is, she focused too little on her last born, to notice the bad habits he was picking up along the way. Truth of the matter is, dad is naturally stingy. That’s the version of him I’ve known my entire life. She’s only noticing now, when she’s almost turning a century old, because she’s in need of his money.

She didn’t let him and his siblings call her ‘mom’ when they were growing up, because she never wanted to feel old. Dad has always referred to her by her first name. It’s only nowadays he’s reluctantly easing into calling her ‘mom’, because she’s evidently old. Even we, couldn’t call her ‘grams’. The way I see it, she spent most of her life focusing on material wealth… ‘loving’ those she thought had money. Therefore in that regard, my family is nowhere close to being loved by her (Not that I care…).

Dad’s mother has made very many mistakes… very many, if you ask me, because she focused on trivialities. Like the woman from the South Korean drama I mentioned in Part 1 of this post, even she, denied her only daughter the chance to marry the man she loved because he was a young broke man. Little did she know he would later become so wealthy. Her daughter on the other hand, never got married. Worst part about all these is, she’s not learning from her mistakes. Nonetheless, I know bad as she is, dad made the choice to be a bad husband, and father.

Turns out, he didn’t forget mom’s birthday. I only learnt the Sunday after mom’s birthday, that when he was out drinking on Friday night, he called mom to wish her happy birthday. That means, the entire time he was causing havoc he knew he was doing that on a day that should have at the very least, been a happy one.

Last week Tuesday (two days after mom’s birthday) was his birthday. He wasn’t home, but I bet if he was, mom would have treated him to a nice birthday dinner. She’s the forgiving type. I’d say her ‘forgive and forget’ nature is what holds their marriage together, because I do not think anyone else would have been that tolerant. So yes, his mother wouldn’t get ‘mother of the year’ award, but him being a bad husband is a choice he consciously made.

The whole of last week, mom was unwell. While she didn’t say much, I could tell dad’s heartless conduct on her birthday had affected her. One thing I know for a fact, is that mom really loves him, regardless of all his shortcomings. Sadly, he doesn’t seem to feel the same way about her; and that bothers her, even if she doesn’t say it out loud. The sadness in her eyes tells it all.

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2 thoughts on “Of bad mothers and husbands: Part 5

  1. Looking for the Light

    It’s so hard to see how the way our parents were raised effects us. My mother was not loved and she abused me. Trught be told, abuse may go further back in the family than we know. We also know that some will never change, and some only care about themselves. it hurts but like you we have to accept it and build our own life and not make the same mistakes. Hugs

    Reply
    1. alygeorges Post author

      You know, every time I see my dad being violent, or just stingy and cold, I blame his mother. She could have done a better job at parenting, but she failed miserably. Now my family has to deal with the consequences of her bad parenting. Then again, I remind myself that every hurtful thing he does, is a personal choice. He could choose to be different, but he opted to be this way. The whole of last week I felt so helpless as a daughter as I watched my mom battling stress-related sickness. For some reason, even seeing her sick doesn’t move him; it doesn’t compel him to want to be nicer. It’s just sad.

      When I was reading about your mom, it felt like I was reading a script for a soap opera. Knowing how kind my mom is generally (she’s far from perfect though), made my heart ache for you. You didn’t deserve all the misery she put you through. I’m just thankful to God you came out of it strong.

      Like you’ve rightly said, we just need to accept them as they are, and aspire to be the best version of ourselves.
      I send you so much love, and many hugs M.

      Reply

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