Letter to my husband: Part 4

Experience has taught me a few things. One of them being that there’ll be at least one person who judges someone for some misfortune that befell them; and personally, I’m not big on sob stories. In any case, I avoid circumstances that will make people want to pity me…or think I’m weird. In light of that I figured I couldn’t tell every guy I attempt dating the issues that cause me anguish. I also figured on the same note that if I explained this to anyone, it would be my husband. The man I hope to share my life with.

Looking at the events that have happened in my life, this doesn’t even get close to putting it all into perspective. All I know is that after living for more than two decades, witnessing domestic violence, I came out of it relatively wiser; but damaged.

Wiser because now I know many things I didn’t know before; things they’ll never teach in school. For starters, I know what I want in a relationship. I know the qualities I seek in a man; and money and looks aren’t it. If those two counted for anything, my mom would be the happiest woman on earth; but we already established she’s not.

And damaged because, of the things that cause me anxiety, relationships top the list. I have met some men, who would possibly have made wonderful husbands, but the instant they started exhibiting traits that reminded me of my father, I cut loose before it got too real. Such, is the extent of my ‘damaged-ness’.

I could pay a professional shrink tonnes of money for them to tell me what’s wrong with me and how I could make things better, but as I said, I already figured myself out. Relationships are a hard limit for me. Mom’s miserable life makes me dread the sheer thought of vowing to spend the rest of my life tied to someone, because truth is, it’s not easy getting out when things start going downhill.

Unlike the younger, naïve version of me who hoped to be swept of her feet by a tall, dark and handsome guy, now I know what I want; or what I don’t want.

I don’t want a man who will take me for granted. I need someone who will love and cherish me for me, without hoping to turn me into something I’m not for his own convenience. I realized, if mom had her own money from the beginning, her fights with dad wouldn’t have been too frequent. They fought a lot because she was dependent on him; and he was too tight-fisted. I would love to have a career, and for it not to be affected by our family life.

I don’t want a man, who wouldn’t be moved by our children’s grief, when they’re hungry, or crying because he is abusing me. I would want a man who wouldn’t eat or go on a binge-drinking spree when our kids can’t sleep because they are too hungry.

I would want a man who smiles at least, when his daughter tells him she’s graduating magna cum laude, or seem moved in the least when another one tells him she’s done working on her novel. Sometimes people think it’s all about money, when all one needs is just a simple hug. I would want a man who can spare a thought for our children; how his actions affect them.

I don’t want a man who will fill our children’s heads with sad Christmas and New Year’s day memories, because he just couldn’t help throwing punches at me; and on the same note, I would want a man who respects my mother, because were it not for her love and sacrifice, I wouldn’t be there to be his for the taking in the first place.

I wouldn’t want a man, who makes our children develop anxiety disorders and some other stress related illnesses like depression and peptic ulcers because they are afraid he will kill me when they’re in school.

And when eventually we decide to get married, I would be happy to have just a small wedding with just us, our witnesses and the priest.

So, unlike my younger self, I’m not interested in looks and money. All I want is someone with whom I can spend a happy forever with; someone who will give our children the happiness I didn’t have growing up; the lack of which has caused me so much anxiety.

I don’t have any children yet, but when I get them, I hope to raise them in a love-filled home, so they won’t dread marriages and relationships like I do. Truth is, if I had to choose, I would opt for a life of utter solitude, rather than live the miserable life my mom has lived. It’s not one I would wish, even on my worst enemy.

All I want is happiness…and love…and some peace of mind.

My beloved husband-to-be, if you can give me that, then I too will go out of my way to make you the happiest man on earth.

9 thoughts on “Letter to my husband: Part 4

    1. alygeorges Post author

      It’s always a comfort knowing someone other than myself understands it. Thank you for reading and for the wishes. I wish you all the happiness in the world too. 🙂 Happy blogging.

  1. Looking for the Light

    I’m blown away with the approach you took with the post. I had know idea our background were so similar. I send you a big hug. You’re a very smart women, stay on track, keep your standards high.
    Sending love your way.

    1. alygeorges Post author

      Hey Melinda, I’m so happy to read from you. I tried accessing your page the other day but I couldn’t. How are you doing?
      Thank you for taking the time to read all the four letters. I wrote them after a very long reflection of what I wanted in life. Because as much as I hate to admit it, relationships make me really uneasy. As I wrote it all down it helped me figure things some things out.
      I’m humbled by the thought that you find me smart. Thank you for the lovely compliment.
      If you should know, I admire you a lot. Only a strong, resilient woman like you can go through what you’ve been through and still have the strength to encourage others not to despair.
      Many atimes, experiences like yours leave very bitter people in their wake; but you? You draw strength from all that pain. You inspire me in so many ways. 🙂
      I send you so many hugs. ❤

      1. Looking for the Light

        I’m so happy to hear from you. I loved the letters, it doesn’t answer all the questions yet moves you in right direction. Relationships were scary and still brings fear. It’s a topic I have on my list.
        I hope your studies are going great? Working on BS or have you moved to MS or MD.
        You are special to me, we connected early in my blogging. I think of you often.
        I wrote a post recently about being raped at nine years old. I had never told anyone. It gave me an extra drive to educate children, boys and girls. Those memories were locked away and an article made me blow a gasket. Please keep stalking in mind. I was stalked for 6 years. It’s prevalent here. Not all end well. I don’t want any harm to come to you.
        I’m having trouble with WP, lookingforthelight.me or lookingforthelightblog.wp.
        God bless. Big hugs.

      2. alygeorges Post author

        Hey M, thank you for reading the four parts of that letter. I know it takes more than enough patience to read through all of them.
        Everytime I think of you I feel inspired to not let the difficulties I encounter drag me down. I’m thankful to God that He made our paths cross. I told you, you’re one of my greatest inspirations. May God continue to bless and guide you, that you may touch many more lives like you have mine.
        School’s great so far. I’m taking a bachelor of laws and the workload is increasing by the week because we recently resumed classes after a long break so I may not be blogging as often. But whether I’m logging into WP or not, I keep you in my prayers everyday.
        🙂 ❤

      3. Looking for the Light

        So glad school is going well. Law is a great career field, Lawyers are always needed. I can imagine the work load is crazy. I think of you often.
        Thank you for the kind words. If one person can take something from my experiences, I’m happy.
        Take care. It’s so good to hear from you.

      4. alygeorges Post author

        Hey Melinda, hope you’ve been doing well. Since… over a month ago. I’m really sorry for the very delayed replies. If I could help it, I would. I’m reading your post and I’m thinking, you couldn’t be more right. The workload is crazy. I rarely get enough time to sleep, leave alone blogging.
        But as it is, you’re so dear to me, so even when I’m buried in books I always remember you, and I’m constantly asking God to restore your health. 🙂

      5. Looking for the Light

        I’m hooked up to an IV with saline. I do IV Therapy M,W,F. So I get spend time with the IV pole everyday. So glad to get the
        Therapy started. I had surgery last week and get to spend 9-12 months with it. God will restore me he has another challenge to take on. Maybe I’ll have time to get my Charity going, it’s impossible being sick. I look forward to providing pastoral care to the dying, elderly and sick/dying kids. I first initiative is
        providing/working with vendor to provide early learning.
        God’s giving me time to put the plans together and work on making contacts.
        You’ve been on my mind. The same for me, I know you are busy with school and only so many hours in the day.
        I look forward to reading your post. You don’t write much these days, when you do I know it’s worth reading.
        Take care from a personal perspective. Their have been a number of rapes lately. Make sure you have something to help you get away.
        Take care and keep your eyes on the books and ultimate goal.

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