And… the inevitable came to pass

old and abandoned

The inevitable happened. Dad’s grandma, remember her? From my post old and neglected? She passed away last Friday. Mom called my big sister to give her the sad news, and she subsequently told us. As she talked with mom on phone, I could tell it was bad news because she reached for a seat, her legs seeming to weaken. Before she could even tell us what mom had told her I immediately guessed it had something to do with our great grams.

“What did mom say?” I asked anxiously the instant she hung up. I suppressed the words, ‘Who died?’ that were almost spilling out of my mouth.

She inhaled then replied, “Dad’s grams passed away.”

I was deeply saddened by the news, but somehow it didn’t shock me. Our great grams had been admitted in hospital a few days before then and mom had been told by her sister-in-law she wasn’t eating and had refused to take her medication. Given that she was about a century old, I knew that wasn’t good and if she didn’t start eating it wouldn’t be long before she crossed over to the other side.

I couldn’t blame her though. She had been miserable the last few years. One of her youngest sons, who had been looking after her, had only been using her as an excuse to get money from the rest of the family members, and the worst part is that he and his wife used the money to cater to their own needs instead.

They said she needed a special diet but the last time I saw her she looked so scrawny. I couldn’t comprehend where they had been taking the money people had been constantly contributing for her upkeep.

Based on the things I had heard mom saying, she wanted to die. But as much as I encourage people not to give up on life, I understood her. I imagined she felt she was a burden. Who can blame her anyway? The last time mom and dad went to see her, her son and his wife were asking mom to take pics of her that would be used on her obituary.

Our great grams was old, but she could still hear. The thought that her son said that in her presence just goes to show how little they were concerned about her well-being. They wanted her gone. I’m imagining she picked up on those vibes and therefore felt she was better off dead.
I know, chances are even if she hadn’t died she wouldn’t have lasted for long, given her age and all, but I believe if she had been well taken care of, she would have seen a few more weeks, months even.

I pity her. She gave birth to children, most of who are successful now and even had successful grandchildren; but apparently all that was useless. She died a pauper’s death. Those who should have been responsible for her neglected her, only concerned about their own needs. They forgot she spent the better part of her life fending for them. From her, four generations sprouted, but she died lonely, and abandoned. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone; not even on my worst enemy.

She’s gone now, and I only pray she’s happy wherever she is. And as it is with my weird family, her death has brought some drama of its own. Once, dad’s mom summoned all her children and she told them whoever wants to give her flowers should give her when she is still alive. When dad told us what his mom had said, I couldn’t agree more with her.

What’s the point of crying at someone’s funeral if when s/he was alive one didn’t make an effort to show them a little love/care? Well it turns out she meant it, literally, because she took her mom an artificial rose flower before she died. I couldn’t believe it. Why would she give her old mom a flower when she was more in need of food?

When dad’s grandma was alive, she was denied any form of comfort by her well-to-do children. But now that she is gone, they’re dutifully giving her a ‘royal’ send-off; expensive casket and all. That just had me wondering, where was that money when she needed food? When she fell ill she was taken to some poorly equipped hospital, when they could have atleast had her treated by a professional.

One of her daughters, who is married to a politician, is the one in-charge of making the burial preparations. She has strictly set the dress code because seemingly, her politician hubby will be accompanied by some of his friends, who are also prominent politicians. The charade is sickening. They want to give people the impression dad’s grams was from a moneyed family, but when she was alive she was worse off than the average elderly woman.

I don’t want to sound judgemental, but the idea of splashing so much money around when it didn’t help her when she was alive feels like hypocrisy to me. What’s the point of burying her in an expensive casket, when many are the days she slept hungry?

Additionally, as planned, after laying her to rest, the moneyed family members will be gathering for lunch in a five star resort. I’m all for celebrating our great grams’ life- she lived for almost a century- but in this situation I’m left wondering if it’s her life people are celebrating or the thought that she is finally gone.

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4 thoughts on “And… the inevitable came to pass

  1. Looking for the Light

    Dear friend,
    My thoughts are with you and your family at this turn in the road. So much craziness comes out at funerals and you have quite a show on your hands. Take it for what it’s worth. Know God is watching and knows what is in everyones heart. Everyone has a Judgement Day. I know it’s hard for you. Say extra prayers for yourself and the frustration you feel.
    Hugs. 🙂

    Reply
    1. alygeorges Post author

      Thank you for the encouraging words, because most times I usually find myself wondering how to deal with my extended family. It’s true what you say, that God knows what is in everyone’s heart. I’ll let Him do what’s right. God bless you. 🙂

      Reply
  2. Susan Irene Fox

    Aly, it’s true – funerals seem to bring out the worst in people. Your great grandmother is certainly resting in the peaceful arms of the Lord now. Be comforted that she never again will be in need of food or anything else. And maybe instead of worrying about a “dress code,” you could wear something you knew she liked -perhaps her favorite color – to honor her in your own way.

    Reply
    1. alygeorges Post author

      I’m comforted by your words, that she’ll never be in need of food or anything else. She was laid to rest last Saturday and I’m just glad she found peace. I have faith she’s happy. Even though I’m sad she’s gone, I’m still thanking God for her life because she died after living for a whole century. That to me, is a huge blessing, given the current mortality rate.Thank you so much for the encouragement.

      Reply

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