Wife battering; a sign of love?

battered women

Is there any woman out there who gets battered by her husband/partner and is under the impression the reason he does it is because he loves her? The other day I was listening to this very odd conversation on the radio, where some women were contentedly saying that they do get beaten by their husbands because they love them; what’s more, they said they would totally freak out if their husbands stopped battering them because that would mean they don’t love them anymore and are cheating on them.

I’m not really a relationship guru but isn’t it the other way round? In my opinion, a man doesn’t beat the woman he loves; in any case, he will start beating the one he has when he finds another one who he desires to please and finds his wife/partner a hindrance.

I’m not saying this because I’m married, but because I’ve seen dad act violently towards mom and there is no part of me that’s convinced he did it because of all the love he has in his heart for her. I have never had any evidence of dad cheating on mom, but I remember when I was a kid, some women who were mom’s friends at the time kept telling her the reason he stayed out so late was because he was seeing other women.

I can’t say if it was true or false, but I remember the time those rumours were going round, was when he was so violent. It couldn’t have been a coincidence. From my own understanding of love, one doesn’t hurt a person they love.

We interpret different actions differently, but one thing I have difficulty wrapping my head around is the idea of being beaten by a guy as a sign of love. As a result of the domestic violence I’ve witnessed in my family, I feel I would walk out of a relationship the instant I sense the guy I’m with has violent tendencies.

What people need to understand is the fact that domestic violence (because that is what it is) doesn’t just affect the parents but the children too. A woman might interpret battering as a sign of love but the children interpret it pretty badly.

Once, my aunt told mom, she was so furious with my cousin and as a result she slapped her hard. My cousin’s daughter, who was watching got so annoyed and started hitting her-my aunt-with her tiny flip-flop, asking her to stop hurting her mom.

From the way I understood it, my cousin, who lives in her mom’s house together with her daughter had been coming home late when everyone else was asleep. Her mom tried talking to her about it before, but apparently she wouldn’t listen.

Furious that my cousin wasn’t behaving right, my aunt slapped her. From that, one would reason she was doing what was right for both her daughter and her granddaughter. The four year old girl however, felt her mom was being hurt and went to defend her.

My aunt justifiably did that for love, but did the little girl interpret it as love? That is the same way I feel about men beating their wives. Maybe they feel they have all the reasons in the world to do it, but I don’t interpret it that way. When a man decides to hit a woman, it never comes out as love; at least not to me. And I believe any man who truly loves his wife would totally back me up on this one.

Hitting doesn’t signify love. It’s just one way of demeaning women. The way I see it, under no circumstances should a woman feel her man hit her because he loves her. It just doesn’t make sense.

Lately when I go to get my hair done, there’s this lady I see. She’s a beautiful woman, who runs her own salon nearby. Everytime I see her she’s always in dark sunglasses, even when it’s not sunny. Last Sunday though, I saw her without them on and she had a huge black eye. Based on what I heard from some chatty hairdressers, she was beaten by her husband. No one can convince me that was love.

How does a man who claims to love his woman give her a black eye? An evident sign of battering. This is just one example of battered women; I have atleast a dozen of them, and none of them convinces me wife battering is a sign of love.

If battering was a sign of love, why would victims try to conceal scars under layers of makeup, with some saying they fell in the shower or they ran into a door…etc.? Last I checked, when a woman receives flowers from a guy she loves, she proudly shows them off to friends.

Honestly, if a girlfriend walked up to me and proudly showed me some finger imprints on her cheek where her man hit her, I would be tempted to think she is into BDSM or something of the sought (which is an entirely different thing).

Is there any woman who would honestly want to walk around with a bruised face, or scars hidden under layers of clothing, knowing that her man did that to her? Bruises on a woman’s body only bespeak violence. All I’m saying is; no form of battering should be considered acceptable.


13 thoughts on “Wife battering; a sign of love?

  1. Susan Irene Fox

    Absolutely agree with you, Aly. Hopefully, the women that called into the radio show were given some sort of off-the-air support and counseling. Never is hitting justified. Even your aunt, who was obviously attempting to get a message through to your cousin, hit out of her own frustration and not in an attempt to reason with her relative. Hitting happens when a person has no self-control, or loses it. It has little to do with the person receiving the blows.

    1. alygeorges Post author

      You’re right, hitting happens when a person has no self-control. I also hope the women received counselling because I feel that is just a very misguided way of thinking. There are certainly better ways of addressing grievances. I have a feeling if men who hit women were asked to speak honestly, they would say it’s never a sign of love.

  2. woundstofeel

    My mother comes from a time when hitting, spanking and belting was absolutely accepted as a way to discipline. I’m certain that after a child was properly broken there was a showering of love that gave them a confused idea of what it means. Maybe the same applies to these women, maybe they enjoy the honeymoon phase over and over. Either way, it is very tragic.

  3. Looking for the Light

    Hi- I had to come back, this post has been on my mind today. It’s powerful and shows how we and the next generation can see abuse. For those struggling with their emotions, you don’t have to question any longer. My mother abused me and a couple of hours later would come to say she did it because she loved me. I’m with you 100%, no parent, spouse, partner, other siblings shows love by violence. Because I am Bipolar, I do understand sometimes someone who loves you has to intervene for your safety. I can’t buy in to any other reason. Violence is not love. Thanks for a great post. 🙂

    1. alygeorges Post author

      I really love it when you stop by. 🙂
      I’ve seen battered women, and I’m surprised anyone would call that love. Somehow, I feel these women who consider it a sign of love are in denial. Maybe they hate it too but for them to be okay with it they make that excuse for their men because that way it would be easier to deal with it. It’s really sad.
      Your mom was just abusive. I know kids need to be ‘straightened’ but violence isn’t the best way to do it. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.

      1. Looking for the Light

        It took me many years to not look back on my life without feeling pain. I don’t feel pain for myself any longer, my pain is for others who are in pain today. I know God gives us all test, puts obstacles in front of us but God never said life on earth would be easy or pain free. What God offers us is what we can’t see. If we can climb the hurdles without seeing, God knows and he has a place for us. A place without pain. I struggle like anyone and lately I’ve asked Him “can’t you just give me a break”. I know in my heart He is building my strength for what lyes ahead. It’s faith even when shaky. My mother will get what God feels is appropriate for her deeds, it’s not my concern. I’m thankful I learned that lesson.
        I write in a collaborative The Cut Throat Club and many of the women have lived or barely lived thru Domestic Violence. I have learned so much from each one of them. Each person’s story is different and complex, I don’t pretend to know their fear. What I do see is how much sheer will it took to get away. Their lives are complex and many involve children. They are mothers who love their children unlike mine. You have an open heart, why don’t you follow the club and here their stories first hand. My heart swells with pain and joy for them each day. They survived, something I understand. I loved today’s post. Have a great evening. 🙂

      2. alygeorges Post author

        You’re right; God puts us through tough situations, not to weaken us, but to strengthen us. I understand when you say you get to a point where you ask God to give you a break. In one of my posts I wrote about how I had an incessant headache for close to two years. It was so painful and I couldn’t sleep. All I did was cry, and everytime I would ask God to take the pain away. Eventually the headache went away. It was stress related and the more I thought, the more my head hurt. When the pain went away, I felt so relieved, and that gave me the strength to take things lightly, especially the stressful things that happen in my house.
        We may never get to understand why some things happen, but what we need to know is that God does it all for our own good. When the time’s right, He will give you that break. Just hang in there. And about the club, I’ll check it out. 🙂

      3. Looking for the Light

        It’s cutthoatclubhouse.wordpress.com, be prepared for some anger and words you probably don’t use yourself. Each one has been the greatest friend and supporter. The pain and trauma of each story still can bring me to tears. Just be warned. 🙂

      4. alygeorges Post author

        People use different words to express themselves and that’s ok. 🙂 I’m now following the page. Thanks for referring me to it.

      5. Looking for the Light

        I think you’ll find how much we support each other and any one in the community who needs help. Sometimes they come to us other times we run across while reading blogs. Everyone is a survivor, some horrid acts were made against them by people who were suppose to love them. Many in the group are spiritual people, there pain sometimes is just to much to bare. I would love your thoughts after you’ve had a chance to read post. Have a great evening. 🙂

  4. Kim Kight

    As a domestic violence survivor, I too believe that no man should ever hit a woman. God teaches us that He is the protector of those who cannot protect themselves (Ps 12:5) There is no way I would be alive today if it were not for God saving my life. No matter what a woman does, she never deserves to be abused. Jesus tells us that those who truly follow him do not “rule” over other people. I urge anyone that is in a domestic violence situation, to get help and get out. This is not love. Make a plan to leave, have friends who will help, and do it before it is too late. Thank you so much for your post, and I will definitely be a follower.

    1. alygeorges Post author

      I’m sorry you experienced domestic violence and at the same time glad that you found a way out. It’s true, those who follow Jesus don’t rule over other people, especially if it demeans and hurts them. I wish everyone going through domestic violence would find the courage to seek help because that is not love. Thank you so much for stopping by, for sharing your thoughts on the matter and for following. I really appreciate it. 🙂


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