Shoddy first date: Part 3

online dating 3

He excused himself and left with the package he had with him, while I found my way to the nearest couch, leaving the door wide open in case I needed to make a quick exit. For the few minutes he was gone, I pondered over my actions. If anything happened to me, God-forbid-I figured I would be entirely to blame for my poor judgement.

Trying to keep myself occupied lest I started panicking, I went through his collection of music CDs appreciating his choice of songs. Other than the fact that I was already pissed for having let myself get tricked into going to his house, and was already over cautious, waiting for just about anything to happen, I acknowledged he had a good taste in clothes, music, interior decor…if we became more than online acquaintances, we would have very little to argue about.

“Feel free sweetie, this is your home now,” he pacified me when he walked in. He took his jacket off, exposing his muscled chest that was only covered in a black fitting t-shirt. Then he stretched out his arms, taking my hands in his and he pulled me up to my feet. Releasing one of my hands, he reached for the remote and switched the TV on, bringing the room to life as soft music played.

He put his arms around my waist and I curved mine round his neck and slowly we swayed to the tuneful music.

“So did you think about my proposal?” He asked me.

“What proposal?” I asked in reply.

“To marry me.”

“But you hardly know me.”

“I feel I know you enough to want you to be my wife.”

“I still feel we don’t know each other well,” I said firmly.

I had already crossed very many lines on our first date. I was in his living room, in his arms, discussing marriage, and even though he didn’t seem like he had any intentions of hurting me, I felt we weren’t following the ‘proper procedure’. We had hit the ground running, instead of taking time to get the basics.

“Come with me,” he said, urging me to follow him to a room I supposed was his bedroom. “I left in a hurry. I didn’t get time to make my bed.”

“No,” I refused, breaking free from his embrace.

“Just come,” he begged, almost sweetly, “you’re just going to help me. I promise you nothing will happen.”

“No!” Finally, angry me surfaced. At that point I didn’t even care about first impressions anymore. I just couldn’t take more of it. “This is definitely not going according to plan. You showed up late, tricked me into coming to your house, we haven’t had lunch and it’s way past lunch time, and now you want to sleep with me? This doesn’t feel like a first date anymore.”

It was already past three and I didn’t feel like we were making any progress. I always doubted he was celibate as he claimed to be and even after he asked me to marry him, I felt he was only looking for a woman he could legally sleep with as he also claimed to be saved. That had me feeling he hadn’t put much thought into the proposal. It didn’t matter if it was me, or any other woman he picked from the streets, so long as it was a woman; someone who could relieve his carnal urges. That thought alone had me infuriated.

In his defence, he said he was so aroused, and the more I listened to him speak the more I was convinced I had unknowingly availed myself for a booty call. “I am not sleeping with you,” I told him crossly.

“Then why did you come here?” He retorted. “I left another girl so I could come meet you.”

“We both know you deceived me into coming here. Even if I was to sleep with you, it definitely wouldn’t be today. Not after we just met.”

“What kind of men do you go out with?” He bit back in his diva tone that hurt me in ways so unimaginable.

“You don’t know me, I don’t know you. That’s why.”

“I know you,” he maintained.

“Fine then, you know me. So what’s my real name?”

Feeling cornered, he slumped himself on the couch, rubbing his forehead frantically. “What’s my name?” I repeated, although I knew I had never told him my real name. I just wanted to drive a point home; that we didn’t know each other well enough to be engaging in coitus. “You don’t know my name, and you still want to sleep with me.”

Hurt, and knowing there was nothing he could say to make it better, I grabbed my bag and left. Months of talking and chatting online had ended within three hours of our meeting. I had hoped he would be different from all the messed up dating stories I had heard of before, but that encounter only convinced me more, that online dating never really amounts to anything serious.

First thing I did after I left his house, I logged into FB and unfriended and blocked him, hoping I would never hear from him or see him again. He didn’t call or text me that day or the next but weeks later he called and I refused to pick up. I’ve never talked to him ever since.

When I look back, I always count my blessings. I left a stranger’s house unharmed. I know I agreed to go with him because I was hopeful he was a genuine guy. Talking with him constantly had put me under the impression he was trustworthy, sweet, caring, charming; but in all honesty, I know that was a very foolish mistake I made. I shouldn’t have been so gullible.


14 thoughts on “Shoddy first date: Part 3

  1. panikikubik

    I’m glad that everything went good. By that I mean that you wasn’t harmed.
    I met my ex fiancee on internet. It lasted almost four years. And our breakup was not realted to that we met on internet.
    But as you mention. It’s so easy to get a false feeling of safety, because you been chatting.
    I hope you meet a better guy who respects you so much more than this man did.

    1. alygeorges Post author

      It’s encouraging to know you met your ex online Panikikubik. At least there’s hope, even though I still remain sceptical about finding love online. Thank you for the good wishes. 🙂 I hope to find a guy who respects me too.

  2. Susan Irene Fox

    Aly, I just read all three of these posts. You’re so lucky. Let me say, too, I have an ex-fiance that I met online. I don’t think the fact that two of us (Panikikubik) have online “ex’s” is an accident. There is just too much information people can hide in an internet relationship.

    I think you have a lot to offer. Better to be friends first with someone at work, school or church and let a relationship grow organically than trying to force one to happen. Give it time.

    1. alygeorges Post author

      It’s something I thank God for everyday. You know, funny thing about that relationship is that I was never sure about it to begin with. Before I left the house that day I just prayed and asked God to guide me. “If he turns out to be a guy I could get into a relationship with, I’ll tell him everything about me,” I prayed.
      While we were talking on phone and chatting online, I had left out so much stuff about myself because I wasn’t sure I could trust him. If he had treated me with a little respect that day, I would have opened up to him, but then it seems God hadn’t planned for it to go further.
      I agree with you; it’s better to be friends with someone first, than trying to force one to happen.

  3. Pebbles

    Not to worry Aly, I know God has a good guy in store just for you 🙂 because He knows you deserve the best.

  4. jowaljones

    That dude! Smh…
    Now that you mention it, I recall I have lunch date with Raiza tomorrow.
    I met Raiza in some social network many months ago. We kept chatting about many topics in general, with me trying my best to be humorous so i could keep her interested. Finally I got the courage to ask for her number, and she obligingly gave it to me.
    Though the social network ( is kind of dating site, neither of us was looking for love.
    It took months after we exchanged phone numbers before we first met, as we didn’t use to chat often. We chose to meet outside her school briefly, at the bus stop from where she takes matatus to her place.
    Upon setting eyes on her, I concluded she was the quintessential lady I wouldn’t mind dating. She had the looks. Further engagement in conversation revealed she had the brains too! I don’t know what she thought about though…
    The first meeting was so jovial and cool that instead of lasting the scheduled ten minutes, it dragged on for over an hour… We had to schedule a second one!
    Second meeting was just as nice… Note that we were still meeting just as friends, trying to figure out each other.
    The third meet up was an actual date, she obliged to come over to my place… I made sure I treated her like a lady… No intimacy yet, we were still ‘just friends.’
    But after that date, feelings kicked in… From online chat mates to the close-friends we’d become, twas only natural we mulled over taking things to another level…
    Then the fourth date… A rendezvous around town…
    By now it’s obvious we’re dullaly in love, but still taking precautions. Tomorrow’s our Fifth date (today actually, coz it’s past midnight already), and we plan to officiate our relationship over lunch… Wish me luck

    1. alygeorges Post author

      I wish you all the luck in the world. 🙂 At least she wasn’t a phoney. There seem to be plenty of those online. At this point I just don’t think I would be ready to meet with someone I met online. My experiences are anything but nice.

      1. alygeorges Post author

        What now? 😦 I was looking forward to getting the details of how it went. She better have a really good reason… You didn’t do anything to scare her away, did you? (Just checkin’).

      2. jowaljones

        If planning to surprise your date with two tickets to watch a movie at IMAX is scary, then I guess I scared her to a point where she sent me the I-won’t-make-it text long after I’m in town and few minutes to our scheduled meeting time.

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