As earlier mentioned in confessions of a soap-aholic, is that in the years that I’ve lived, I have watched so many telenovelas and they all seem to revolve around one principal theme; amor…or love if you rather. Honestly, I must admit that watching them gives one an illusion of what love is. It is after a careful deduction that I learnt to separate the real from the unreal-fantasies.
Normally, people who don’t do soaps disregard them as mere illusions; and I couldn’t agree more. But then, there’s another way of looking at it; one can watch them and emulate the good parts. I love discussing matters love with my amigos, although lately I haven’t been feeling the whole ‘love’ issue…I intend to hunt down cupid and ask him if he’s got beef with me… It’s only after reading a friend’s-jowaljones– blog and by his special request that I decided to delve into matters amor.
In respect to all the telenovelas I’ve watched, which have given me so much to think about, concerning all matters love, I’ll call this piece, ‘es todo sobre el amor (it’s all about love)’.
The way I see it, one can’t quite describe love. It’s a very engulfing feeling that only a chosen few can describe. If you ask me, love is a phenomenon, which one can only describe based on their individual experience. It’s hard to describe love in only a few words; I attribute this to one simple fact, ‘God is love’… so how do you define love?
Naturally, I happen to be an avid reader; I just finished reading Fifty shades of Grey. Reading through the book, one can gather a lot; Christian Grey, even though is a self-confessed masochist, has his own twisted way of showing Anastasia Steel he loves her. I don’t mean to give the book’s review, but the underlying point is that everyone has their own interpretation of what love is… and as a result, people express it differently; some better than others.
When people talk about love, some of the common expressions are: love is blind, love at first sight…etc. when I hear the former, I always counter, “love is not blind, lovers are…” but truth is, love is indeed blind, for the mere fact that a person in love can do just about anything for the person they love. It is however, the latter that I seem to have trouble with; is it possible to love someone within the first few seconds of their meeting? I think not.
Love is a strong feeling; it doesn’t grow overnight. Love happens when two people have stayed in each other’s company long enough to be acquainted with their partner’s pros and cons. It happens in stages; the first of which is lust/infatuation. This, in my own understanding, is what a vast majority refer to as ‘love at first sight’. This is because, the first time one meets someone, the thing that reels them in is the physical beauty- beautiful eyes, curvaceous figures, evident jaw lines (everyone knows what works for them).
That is what defines the boundaries; is it merely based on physical attraction? On carnal instincts? Some people work on this love-at-first-sight feeling, and a short while later, after the wanton cravings have been satiated, realize that the excitement is gone…
One will realize that spending time with the object of their desire, gives them an insight into who they really are; their personalities. Some will be appalled by what they discover and they will pull away, others will be intrigued by what they find, and they will want to pursue further. That gets them into the attraction phase; when the two realize they are drawn to each other, and it’s not only based on the physical, but a feeling that sprouts from understanding how the other functions.
In this phase, the two people start adjusting their lives; synchronizing of some sought; so they can be able to live with each other’s inadequacies and all…
When the two have assimilated each other into their lives, they get into the attachment stage; the I-can’t-live-without-you stage. When the two get to that point safely-without breaking up- it would be in order to call it love.
Love connoisseurs say love happens within three-four months after two people have met. Based on this, I find it unbelievably insane when one uses the three words, eight letters-I love you- when they hardly know anything about their love interest, e.g. favourite colour, favourite food, movies…etc.
I believe that love, is that beautiful feeling one has towards someone after they have known them inside out, and still feel they want them in their lives…like ‘fifty shades’, he derives sexual pleasure from inflicting pain on others, and even though he knows Ana can’t be all that he expects from his submissives, he still finds himself drawn to her; and she, even though afraid of pain that comes with ‘masochism’, intense spanking and all, still finds herself drawn to him.
That is what happens with love; it brings out the best in people; the parties involved find a central ground, where they make compromises, to be able to accommodate the other into their lives.
From my personal experience, love is many things; it is understanding, it’s kind, it’s selfless-not obsessive, it gives one unimaginable courage; one feels like they could conquer the world with the person they love by their side. One hurts when the other does…it bonds two souls; it’s a feeling that transcends physical attraction.
Love is a beautiful feeling…but it’s delicate too… love could bring out the best or worst in someone. It can build, or destroy… the dark side of love is seen when two people in love start drifting apart. At this point, one should be careful what they do, to avoid intense range and vengeance from consuming them, because these dark feelings turn something so beautiful into a disaster. And the thing with love, is that just like it takes time to bloom, it doesn’t just die…it fades with time. That is why sometimes one finds it impossible to yank an ex from their heart, long after the relationship ended.
The inevitable, brutal fact about love is that it hurts… a lot! Anyone who’s been in love can attest to this. But that only comes with the territories; it is almost impossible for one to share his/her heart with someone and not feel a thing when they break it… this simple fact makes me feel that love is only for the brave; many people avoid falling in love because they are afraid of hurting; they are afraid of getting their hearts broken. In respect to this, I have felt like a coward on more occasions than one…
Infatuation aside, there are instances when one thinks they’re in love, but are only into the idea of being in love… some years back, I thought I loved someone… I felt I loved him, and breaking up with him caused me so much misery, but later I realized I didn’t love him; I only loved the fact that I could say I was in love; I had something to talk about when my girlfriends and I were talking about boys and love… deep inside I didn’t want him-actually I hated so many things about him, but somehow I found myself hoping it would work out between us…it was only after we had gone our separate ways, after I’d soaked my pillows in tears for nights on end that it dawned on me… I didn’t love him…twisted!